Food for further thought

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy. ~ Martin Luther King Jr

Annual Bday @ Popo's Plc

Due to the extremely hectic schedules for the last and upcoming 2 weekends, we decided to have the annual birthday dinner on a weekday. The day before I started work at EY to be precise. Was extremely tired that day. The day had taken an unexpected turn in the morning and was out since then. It was not only a physical tiredness that plagued me but also realised the emotional roller coaster ride was to get worse. Not something to look forward to, is it?

Anyway, possibly the only happy thing that took place that day was the dinner. On our way out, dad had to experiment his fingers on the cam again so once again, I was volunteered to model with my sis. Strangely enough, we both wore red not on purpose though. What a colour for the occasion.

Anyway, dinner was a delicious as usual. Popo cooked wantan mee since every birthday there has to be noodles but I always prefer rice to noodles unless it's wantan mee. Then there was a whole pot of curry chicken with tons of potatoes. There were fried prawns, sui kows, pai kuat, green vege and I can't remember what else. Auntie Choo also went to the morning market and bought me my favourite "lo mai chi". Sweetness personified.


After dinner, spent a considerable time posing with Janelle (my baby cousin). She has really grown. A real bundle of fat now, like a small version of a female sumo wrestler. Reason behind this is because her parents (my uncle and aunt) are rather on the big side. Put it this way, if everything goes as logical as it looks, I will be the smallest grandkid on both sides. Splendid. The best things (and people) come in small packages.

Last but not least, I love my Popo for the following reasons:-
(a) for being considerate,
(b) for being thoughtful,
(c) and for whatever it's worth, for never chasing me to get married, for believing that her granddaughter deserves the best and should only marry someone she loves and not because her bio clock is ticking.
(d) for looking after me when I was young,
(e) for caring for me when Alex put me thru hell.

Thumbs up for my Pops!!! Every year, I look forward to this but on 31.10.06, my heart was not free to be happy. But pops made it better.

Tomorrow will be a hallmark in my life. As I saw this quote, something stirred within me. How simple yet profound it is.

"We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn." May Catherine Bates

May this be something I will always believe in.

The Feeling Inside...

Helen Keller once said,

"Your happiness and success lie in you...Resolve to be happy, and your joy and resolve shall form an invicible host against difficulties."

The last few days have been filled with many ups and downs which resulted to a suffocation in me last night. The inability to cry it out made it worst only leading to more sleepless and restless nights. Of course period pain did not help much either.

Talking to AJ and Li-Ann helped tremendously as I told them my decision and rationalised with them many could be situations. You know what? All this while I felt guilty thinking, how could I possibly be so selfish......but last night AJ out of the blue said after a period of silence, saying actually the person that is being selfish is not me but him. And that is probably why is hurts so much. Cos he is being selfish. On the other hand, I understand. Really do. And perhaps I know now is not the right time. Actually I am not keen to figure out who is at fault. Just want to ensure there is as little hurt as possible now. To be fair, Li-Ann said he's not selfish, just needs time. Hence not crucial to dwell on finger pointing, at least not for the next 2 months.

Mentioned to Li-Ann that perhaps if there is one person that needs to cry then it better be me now and let it be.

I have never been very good at drawing lines be it in the natural or in the emotional sense. Woke up this morning with such a huge burden over me. I think taking everything into consideration, I will try my best to be there for the people that matter to me. And at the same time, let go of any hope of anything more.

God, give me strength. It's going to be tough the next few months. Sustain me and for whatever it's worth, sustain him. Guard our friendship. Let me be the best friend you can allow me to be.

There is going to be many changes in our lives, pray that our friendship will more than survive it but compliment it.

Pray that I will do as Helen Keller says. Tomorrow is going to be a better day.

"I am happy because I think I am." Alain-Rene Lesage

Wishing you were here to hug me and tell me everything will be ok.

Mesmerized : Pre-bday Dinner @ Tamarind Springs

Last night my ex colleagues, now purely my friends brought me to a beautiful place for dinner to celebrate my farewell cum upcoming birthday.

It's just a small entrance from the road but once we entered, I was mesmerized. We entered to a pathway litted with candles by the side and the sound of running water evident throughout the entire short walk down the aisle, the trees over us. At the end of the passageway, there is a pond with turtles and fishes. The restaurant is a hut made of wood with transparent red curtains hanging here and there. The place was very romantic and dim. Truly mesmerizing! Guess I'll let the pics speak for themselves.


Trust me, the passageway is truly mesmerizing. Steps leading toward the restaurant which is really like a big kampung house made of wood. It really is romantic if you had the whole place to yourself which of course, we didn't. Never in my wildest imagination, I had thought we would be going to such a beautiful place.






The restaurant serves Thai/ Vietnamese/Laos/ Cambodian fusion food. Let me show you pics of the food. Behold the delicious green curry, lamb, squids and stir fried eggplant with some sauce.




The ambience:



Random pics of our girls night out:




Thanks, babes. Had a blast last night. Hugs. Looks like we didn't overdress huh?

Feeling weird

It's the first day of my departure from PwC. Yesterday was a real emo day. Was emo'ing till the time my head hit the pillow. Had craving for Maui Brownie Chocolate ice-cream from Baskins Robbins. Wondering if I got to eat it, would I still be this emo? Anyway, the craving has gone.

Just put the clothes in for a wash whilst checking my email. Made a horrid blunder yesterday. Sent a super large file of a farewell note and got hate mails back, not to mention nasty comments. Sigh. Can't people give a girl a break on her last day. The day was made further emo by the exit interview. Used to have exit interview with Amy when we were leaving Deloitte. And thank God for her, if not, I would still be there. So traumatic as it was, I survived yesterday. The after effects however have not vanished. Sigh.

Will be helping Sam out later in church office so pray that takes my mind off stuff. Can't wait to go for holiday next week. Dad told me to relax. Just sit down and do nothing. Don't go out, don't yum cha, just sit down and chill. Says the going out will only make me more tired and add on to the emo'ness which has some truth in it. So must try to relax.

Anyway, need to shower and head to church for work.

Goodbye, PwC!!!!

Today is a day of significance. It will be my last day at PwC. I have been here for slightly over two years. The experience and the pay was relatively good compared to Deloitte but I think like Deloitte, the best part of being here were the friendships made.

Due to the hectic schedule and long hours of work, it is inevitable that one has either to face a bunch of horrid humans or if blessed, a bunch of superb people. I had my fair share of the former but am very blessed with many from the latter group.

Yesterday was very emo. Today however is a new sense of purpose and a cut from the past. Can't wait till the day is over. I am dying to cut my hair.

Another taggie =P

Saw this on Jac's tag and thought why not?

3 Hobbies:-
(a) Chit chatting either online or on the phone
(b) Working (since I work practically most of the time...either for official work or for 365)
(c) Going for massages

3 things on my "TO DO" list:-
(a) Clear my stuff before I resign
(b) Fix my car number plate (knocked someone this morning. sigh)
(c) Eat breakie (A must before gastric starts)

3 unique traits:-
(a) Can find something interesting/ amusing/ thought provoking every day of my life (can also be seen as being melodramatic)
(b) Ability to see beyond the natural ie understand a person's character/ mind/ personality without needing to know the person very long (better known as discernment)
(c) Ability to adapt to different circumstances (career woman by day, sleepy and lazy girl by night at home, sweet 16 at youth, and a person you don't want to mess with so don't make me mad!)

3 favourite drinks:-
(a) Chocolate Banana Milkshake
(b) Coconut Milkshake (so far only one place I know has it, a fusion of Thai/ Italian restaurant in D'sara Jaya)
(c) Hot chocolate (preferrably with marshmallows)

3 passions:-
(a) God - walking in the centre of His will
(b) Family & Friends
(c) Soft toys

3 awesome movies:-
(a) While You Were Sleeping - starring Bill Pullman & Sandra Bullock
(b) My Best Friend's Wedding - starring Julia Roberts
(c) Shrek 2

3 good bands:-
(a) Backstreet Boys (yes, kill me)
(b) Westlife (yes, I am a boyband supporter so sue me)
(c) Blue?

3 things I am anal about:-
(a) Insects
(b) Snobbish people
(c) Sick in the head people

3 random men:-
(a) My Papadam ie better known as papi
(b) The cute guy I saw yesterday evening but have no clue who he is
(c) The one I am to marry.

3 bad habits:-
(a) Can't really control my facial expression ie my feelings show too much
(b) Making weird faces by playing with my mouth
(c) Squeezing my face =P

3 relationship essentials:-
(a) TRUST, of course
(b) Sense of humour
(c) 2nd chances

3 painful experiences:-
(a) Loss of loved ones either through death/ break up/ falling away
(b) Betrayal
(c) Inferiority

3 treasured memories:-
(a) When I was 4 years old....enjoyed my kindie years ALOT!!!!
(b) Renewal in Christ...happened when I attended Tung Ling.
(c) My birthdays...usually have a blast and tons of pressies!!!

3 favourite holiday destinations:-
(a) Maldives Islands
(b) Disneyland
(c) Thailand

3 goals before 30:-
(a) Own a house
(b) Married
(c) Have more time to do social work

3 biggest fears:-
(a) Losing the people I love
(b) Falling terminally ill
(c) Being disobedient to Christ

3 favourite desserts:-
(a) Maui Brownie Chocolate (low fat yoghurt from Baskins Robbins)
(b) Apple Crumble with Ice Cream (from Juliette's in Kota Kemuning)
(c) Mud Pie (from Fridays)

3 persons I tag:-
(a) Meng Hong
(b) Lala Pau
(c) Abel Cheah

Ok....need to get back to work. Muaks.

Friendship (Part 3)

Jess and me. In the beginning, Jess was my cell member. Now she is my team member. Jess has always been a great encourager in my life. Though we haven't been friends very long and it is obvious we're years apart....11 years, I think.....want her to know that I think she's truly special not for the things she does, but for the person she is. And pray that she will continue to rely on His strength and find her security in Him and Him alone.


Another cell member who has become a great encourager to me is Su-Lyn. Guess you always seem to know when things have not been all too well with me. Thanks for not probing but just being sweet to me, allowing me the space to "figure it all out". Thanks for being you. And since I am blogging...thanks for the early birthday gift. For the benefit of those who don't know. She gave me a pink silky pillow....very, very sweet. Wrapped in pink and with a letter written on pink paper. The theme of the birthday is definitely PINK!!!!


[L-R: Meng Hong, Chewie, Me and Samuel Chummy] -

Meng Hong...what can I say? I can't recall how we became close. You have indeed been a great friend and brother in Christ. Thanks for always looking out for me. Sometimes I suspect Meng Yoe put you up to it so it will ease his "burden" as it were. The past few months have been just weird. How 2 almost complete strangers can be close. Appreciate the friendship alot. Pray there will be many more years to come.
Chewie, his trademark is that he always asks me how I am. Guess it's really amusing and a bundle of joy to have you as a friend.
Samuel Chummy....another pastor's kid who rebelled. Muahahahaha.......Well to be honest, he's so busy running around we hardly have time to chat. But there was a blessing in disguise with regards to the morning prayer. Every week, Jenny (used to be Rich), Sam and I would pray for Segi College afterwhich we would go for breakie together. However, AJ hardly joins us so that is probably the only time Sam and I get to catch up. He definitely makes me laugh. I think he and his friends have been so mischevious that the stories could last him a lifetime to tell.

I feel like my back is about to break. Went for Li-Ann's baptism in the evening. Think I might just need to continue with Part 4. Do bear with me.

Friendship (Part 2)

Yom, Ida and I.....We joined Deloitte in Aug'04. Man, that seems like yesterday. Since then we've all left Deloitte and moved on with our lives so to speak. Ida has since married her then boyfriend and the picture was taken at her son's (Amirul) 1st birthday party. We don't meet very often due to our busy schedules but we do make it a point to keep in touch throughout the year. If there was a big change in my life, they're definitely one of the first few people I would call. I cannot believe that time flies so fast. I am told that I am a rather driven person. Well needless to say, Yom and Ida are people with such a drive as well. But another thing that stands out about them is their view on family commitment. One of the reasons why they're driven in their careers/ studies is to provide better for their families. Think you girls are awesome. Girl power all the way!!!!
Picture was taken at Kher Shin's wedding. Wei Yin, Jojo, Kah Leng and me. Being in the assurance (audit) industry is not easy. You're constantly under pressure trying to meet the demands of your immediate supervisor, your director, your clients and at the same time trying to maintain a good morale and fight for the rights of your team. And sometimes it really gets to us. Being in an industry with more than 700 over people fighting for a share of the same pie provides unhealthy competition. This sort of environment often times make it difficult to find what we know as true friends. These girls have proven that it is possible. They were my associates (juniors) in various jobs and somehow we clicked and have always made an effort to meet almost every week (for Jojo and me, at least) or at every opportunity we can. We've shared a lot of bittersweet memories both with regards to work and personal. I'm going to miss all of you when I leave PwC.

Bel, Ally and me during CIPS days in CineLeisure. They're colleagues whom I work with on the Tractors audit. Last year, I did the same assignment. Though I found them friendly but I have to say we only got close during this year's audit. Since then there has been no turning back. It has been weekly walks (before the haze hits), makan sessions, yum cha times, and a whole lot of talking and laughing. Working such long hours with them on the assignment has indeed strengthen our friendship. During the last audit, some stuff had happened individually that has caused us individually to feel disappointed but I can only say that having them around had only kept me strong and not to give up. Can't wait till our slumber party!!!

Ju and me. Known Ju since we were in Form 5 gua. My first impression of her was "I don't like this girl!". Why? Well I had a crush on this guy in church at that time and people were teasing her and my crush la. I was terribly annoyed and actually believed that she did like the guy. She was very kind to me, providing me extra notes for SPM and all. And it was not like I was blatantly rude to her or anything. Just felt weird inside. Anyway, there was once a youth camp whereby I had to share a room with her ALONE!!!! God, I thought I was going to die. Still recall there was this one night I was just dead honest with her. And we cleared everything up that night. That was the time I decided in my heart that no guy is worth giving up a girlfriend for. And I also decided to give up my feelings for this crush. Decided he ain't worth it. I used to wear this ring as my commitment to him (yes, I was silly,sue me). Took the ring and threw it down the hill. Ju and I have been through much. Relationship trials, betrayals, sicknesses, career jeopardy, joys, triumphs. Guess it's been a wild ride.

I always say their my emotional support system. Jenny (in the middle) was first my tuition teacher. She attempted to teach me mandarine when I was just 13 years old. By the fact that I am a confirmed banana now, one should be able to tell that her mission to educate me failed. She's really a rock. We're years apart but we really click. She's like an older sis to me. Jade (far left)......met her when she first came to church with her sis. Very duh one that time. AJ and I were the only two Junior Youth Fellowship cell leaders so we went up to them and AJ asked me which one I wanted. So AJ took Pearlyn and I had Jade. She started out as a cell member and eventually became one of my best friends. So tada, never underestimate the power of God. How he can make something beautiful out of two unsuspecting and different people. Another lesson learnt is the world and society in general places so much emphasis on the "AGE" factor. If marriage is about friendship in a deeper way, and the way I see it, most of my friends and I are not the same age....shows that love can blossom and a marriage can still work irregardless of age.

Anyway, need to take a shower dy. Will continue with Part 3 later.

Friendship (Part 1)

Sunday's sermon really blessed me. Could not help but think of the many good friends I have around me.

First up is my sis (named Joyce but I call her Jo). Even though we're sisters and way different in many ways but seriously can't imagine life without her.

I still remember how I wished we could be similar when I was younger but thank God, He knew better. Sometimes I forget that I am older because she's taller and super practical. I'm more of the kiddo. Always laughing, talking and screaming =P

Next up are my brothers in Christ. What can I say? Talk about diversity. Yoyo sms'ed me during the sermon (yes, he's a naughty boy) and asked me why the family picture was not up on the slides. Anyway he mentioned how the family has diversity - the nerd (min ser), the bishop (kah mun), the playboy (yoyo), the hot (obviously joshy) and the queen bee (mua)!!!

One thing's for sure.....I'm never bored when I am with them. They rock!!!

Pritam and Junie....Met them during my first year in Sunway College. We've been friends for 8 years now. After our first year, both of them went to different unis to complete their studies while I continued in Sunway. I must mention something which I was truly blessed with. There was once a guy who always bullied me and made my life a living hell. One day, Junie went to his college to look for his car wanting to slash his tyres. She didn't manage to find his car as he had injured his toe and did not drive that week. It's probably not the most ethical thing to do but trust me, no one has ever stood up for me that way ever since my petbro in high school. Pritam and I now work in the same place. I must say that it feels great being treated as a princess. I have firsthand experience. Honestly, my life without them will be totally different. And it would surely be missing something.


My high school friends. Irene, me, Li Ann and Su Wei. Li Ann has been my best friend since Form 1. We were in the same class. At that time, I had another best pal who ditched me (literally, if girls could break up then that is exactly what happened) and I had no one to walk home from school with. So Li Ann came up to me and told me she thinks I'm great (which I know now but didn't know then) and if I didn't mind, she would love to walk from school with me. That was a start of a beautiful friendship. Thanks for believing in me. For thinking I'm gorgeous and beautiful inside out. Don't think people say that of me often so I do appreciate it especially when I am tengah emo. Strangely we've been through a lot of similar experiences, some at the same time. Some not. But it has only made our friendship stronger and deeper. Love you lots, gal.

Amy and I met during my first year of work in Deloitte. She was in the AmBank audit team with me. It's just amazing how two very different people can be such great friends. One thing great about Amy is that she can really chatter about alot of matters. Intellectually stimulating. Realise I have a lot of friends with substance which is truly blissful.

Continue with Part 2....

Growing up with grace

Dear Mr.Leong,

You mentioned tonight that I am not that young. If measured by age, I am not even a quarter of a century years old. If compared to yourself, then of course I am way older (and might I add richer in experience). Anyhow will age with grace. And I don't want to always be young. I do want to continue to grow and be the woman God has called me to be. So Mr.Leong, you're right. I am not that young and proud to be so. Decided to enjoy every bit of it. So to people who have nothing better to say, my advice to them would be to shut the gap cos I don't have time for it =P

Just me,
Ms.Eu

Significant moments of the day

There were some siginificant moments of the day. Thought I would pen it down and share.

(a) Went for breakie with a good girlfriend. Talked about our future and where we will be in a few years time. We also discussed about her upcoming interview. Throughout breakie, I just had this sense of excitement in me. I'm starting a new phase in my life. My friends are having greater opportunities opening up for them and am happy for them.

(b) Talk with one of my good guy friends. Talked super long till my right ear was burning. Chit chatted how annoyed I am with some people. How some people can be so different from us. Realised that it is a blessing to have someone understand.

(c) I crossed paths with the supposedly asshole. But he ignored me. And I did likewise. As I was driving, I thought that this won't be good for the future. It is technically not a valid reason to be so mad at him. Anyway sms'ed him and even attempted to call him but no replies. That only fueled my anger. So decided to just leave it.

Anyway as I was driving out for lunch, he called. And we settled it. Guess it was a rather emo conversation for me. Hate to talk about stuff that went down many years ago. Want bygones to be bygones. Just glad that I have a friend back and I could possibly be wrong about him. Still need time to heal though cos knee was kicked.

(d) I've been to Old Town Kopitiam in Taipan several times dy and have always wanted to try their half boiled eggs. Finally did today during lunch. Tried it and don't find it nice. Well, at least I tried.

(e) Today was a very siginificant meeting in 365. R and L shared about Strategy 3000. We've discussed this together about the various strategy on our own and tweaked it here and there. But I was touched today. I was already touched when I settled it with the so called person that kicked my knee. I was blessed that many were challenged. Blesssed that God is and is going to continue to do something awesome.

(f) I am excited about tomorrow night. Many of my good friends will be coming to watch Footstool Players at my church. I am happy to spend time with them. Happy to have them to come. Just happy to be with them.

(g) Went to popo's house for dinner. They were like "We cooked your favourite meatballs", "You want 'lo mai chi' or not? I buy for you at the morning market". Just felt blessed.

(h) Another good guy friend admitted to me last night that he needs help. He normally does not. And it made a difference that he had the guts to say it as it is.

It's been an eventful and full of emo day (in a good sense). I am like bubbling on the inside. Can't wait for tomorrow.

The Devil Wears Prada

While talking to Jess on the phone and doing what one does in the toilet, I was musing away about the show. Had just arrived home from watching "The Devil Wears Prada" at Summit. Before I proceed to the more serious life issues, let me say that Summit is truly dodgy. The management needs to consider doing something to give it a facelift. Pathetic!!!!

Anyway whilst watching the movie, I realised once again how I can be saying I have no choice when in actual fact I do. And how one chooses the path one walks and choose it wisely we must. I suppose the show did have its fair share of exaggeration. However embedded is the important lesson of whilst pursuing one's so called dream, one should never lose herself/ himself. Not to betray oneself and one's loved ones. Makes sense? No? Yes?

Guess we all don't know the end to our journey of life. Was just telling Jess how I value some of my friends that have been there for me through my darkest moments and how ironic that alot of the care and concern for me as a person (and not for what I do) comes from people out of church. Not of anyone's fault really. Guess alot of my best pals/ friendships were built during my growing up years and now 365 is so different from the old yf, in terms of who is around.

Wonder how the next few years will be? Que sera sera? Or perhaps I need to take hold of my life and make some important decisions?

Hmmmm....

Home Experience

PwC has this "Community Outreach Program" (COP) which is basically allowing their staff to help out at underprivileged kids homes for a week or two. This week I've been assigned to one of the homes.

Last year, I was also involved in this programme but a different home. I had a blast last year with the boys at the home.

Difference with the home this year as compared to the prior year is that this home has more kids. Actually 38 kids in total. I arrived there slightly before 9am each morning to prepare for the lessons and we begin sharp at 9am. My mornings are actually relatively ok compared to my afternoon class. In the first session in the morning, I teach 3 Std 3 kids - Samuel, Jennifer and Moses. On the first day, when I called Samuel his name, I felt like I was calling "Samuel Chummy" from church. At 11am, they get ready for school and I start teaching an 11 years old girl, Nisha and a 3 years old boy, Philip. Yes, 3 years old. First day, it was difficult to handle a restless 3 years old and an eager 11 years old. But yesterday was better.

After my lunch break, my headache starts. I have a class of 8 kids - Paul, Grace and Ruben are Std 1, Rina, Simon and Victor are in Std 2 and then there's Christina and Sarah in Std 3. Teaching them individually is not a tough job. Teaching them together at the same time is rather a challenge.

Guess the greatest challenge is helping them through their studies as they are all at different levels. And the saddest thing, it's difficult to give personal attention to them as there is only 3 of us teachers.

At the end of Monday, Tiffany (another PwC workmate) and I, separately went to purchase books and stationary for the kids.

I am not stupid. I know being there for a week won't bring much change but I am determined to do what I can.

Through this last 2 days, I'm reminded of how beautiful my childhood was. And when I think about how some of us can be so demanding of our parents, we forget that there are many kids out there who come from dysfunctional homes and are sent to these homes and have such a slim chance of a good future.

I see how the kids try so hard to get my attention. They gloat at every opportunity to outdo each other. They seem so demotivated to study cos they know they will never be the top students. Don't get me wrong. They're not stupid or anything of that sort. In fact some of them are rather brilliant but lacking in the resources, not to mention the love and care from parents.

Just the other day, mum was mentioning about a bunch of kids who were real rascals in church and denoted that the reason behind their misbehaviour is due to the absence of a father figure. So never underestimate the importance of having good role models around. Also never to have children when you are not financially capable. It just makes things worst. Causes more arguments, creates an unwholesome family environment.

Wow....I sound like I have experience. I'm not expert. But guess I've noticed a thing or two from the two homes I've been to.

So exhausted. Strange I think I rather do audit than teach so many kids at one time. Don't seem to be achieving the progress I want to with the kids.

Did my christmas list last night. It's gonna be Christmas soon. Cool!!!

Spare me your accusations!!!!!

Today was a busy day as usual. Awoke from slumber with aches all over (which is nothing new). And badly wanted to retreat back to sleep when I realised it was Sunday and I needed to be in church. Anyway made a phone call to confirm a breakfast appointment which I cancelled last night. Figured since I was up, I might as well brace myself for whatever it is that was supposed to be told to me.

Breakfast was ok. Guess for me, I went there with the mindset that whatever it is, I will say what I need to say and do my duty as a friend. Since yesterday, I've already known deep down inside me that the person is not wanting advice. Like some of us at some occasions, we normally have made up our mind about a particular matter. And we seek counsel only to gain confirmation or to have someone agree with us. However, if the counsel does not suit us, we will ignore. And I knew today when I went to listen to this person's dilemma, that deep down he is stubborn and has already made up his mind. So I was not surprised nor shocked. Just resigned. Like whatever la. I figured he already has like a billion relatives telling him what to do, why bother with me?

Well church was ok today. Was in a daze. Guess the whole day was just an overall "I want to go home and crash" feeling. The highlight or downside of the day was after I woke up from a short nap, still feeling rather snappy and mang, I was approached by someone online asking me whether I was mad at him.

From then, it went on to what felt like a never ending accusation of my being mad because of a situation that took place earlier which apparently would have upset me. I sat there the whole time looking at the msn screen and thought to myself, "Gosh, I never learn do I?" I shared my life openly to someone I considered a friend and here I am sitting listening to his bizarre reasonings of why what he did was not wrong (which I am not saying it is) and then I have sit thru a session of how I am mad and am being confronted about it and should not be upset. And how it was appropriate for a him to do what he did because gratitude, etc. I mean even IF (A REAL HUGE IF) I was upset, I don't see how talking to him was going to make things better. From the way he was handling the conversation, he sure was a pain in the butt.

One word. Sick.

Some people are sick. He did something to hurt me and he knew and knows it will. Later has the cheek to confront me and ask me whether I am upset. Any sane person will not entertain such an asshole.

For e.g. it's like you suffer a weak knee from a football accident many years back. Though you have recovered, the knee has always been weak and has never really recovered back to its normal state. Not due to the lack of effort put in cos you have exercised it, saw the docs, went for physiotheraphy, prayed over it, etc. And then you go about your every day life only attempting mild football, no serious tournament stuff and someone comes and kicks you right at the knee. Now if you don't call that mean, I don't know what you call it.

Guess in our so called very busy world and efforts to be someone someday, we can lack sensitivity. Today I was reminded of that. That sometimes we treasure the people that should not matter and neglect those that should be cared for, who have stood by us through it all. And because we want to appear cool or want to appear like we're it, we forget our roots.

To the person and many others who are like him.

Next time when someone hurts you bad and you want to kill yourself for it, don't expect me to stand by you. And worst I might even be best buds with the person cos I dunno, maybe the person has blessed me with a bar of chocolate =P

After blogging the above, I feel better. In the many years of growing up, I have found that the friends that are really true friends are those that I have made long time ago. I can only thank the person for one thing. It has reminded once again that I have friends who truly care about me and I didn't even think of the situation more than 5 minutes until you dared to confront me. You have no place in my heart to do such a thing so please confront the person that you're grateful to since you love confronting people and accusing people of getting angry irrationally. How silly!

Slight Dilemma

short hair with fringe?

longer hair but with no fringe?

short hair with fringe?

Hmmm....my sis just returned from London for good!!!! Can you believe it? A year has gone by and the girl is finally home.

Anyway, there is a cut hair session for her on Saturday. And here I am, stressed as usual, and facing the temptation to snip my hair off. The recent months that have passed, I have requested opinions from people, from my petbros to colleagues to friends. Petbros say "Don't cut. Long hair nicer". Then it slid down to to "Ok la...if you want to cut", which I know means a NO la. Then colleague said I look more like a woman with long hair. More feminine whilst my short hair makes me look too cute and like a kiddo. Totally unprofessional. The 2nd last time I was at the hairdresser, I asked the hairstylist to cut fringe for me and she refused. (Yes, my hairdresser has this tendency to refuse me. Sigh). And then solemnly said to me that I need to look older lest I attract younger men. I obliged.

So here I am sitting down typing and toying with the idea. Should I cut fringe or not? I dare not even ask whether I should cut my hair short? Please comment. And let's see what the people have to say. I have not made up my mind.

Is life as it should be?

Just came back from milkshake session with my good friend. As I was driving toward the cafe, I was half thinking what our conversation would be. Anyhow after ordering my banana milkshake (which is incidentally half of a favourite since I like chocolate banana shakes better), we just chatted and chatted.

Guess many things are presently "wrong" in our lives, especially in my friend's life. To summarise the many "wrongs" would be as follows :-
(a) Not being able to be together with the man she loves as he is of another race. Major mum objection from his side. Not hers. Total bummer cos hey, how often do we find someone we love and who loves us back, right?
(b) Being stuck in a job she completely dislikes and would rather do something more bazaar and entertaining for a living.
(c) Having to study for exams but nothing seems to be going in. (bet my youths can identify with this).

I'm sure there is more shit but I think this pretty much sums the significant ones.

Surprisingly, another friend of mine in the early evening messaged me about how angry he is with the day. Everything apparently went wrong. This "wrong" word seems to be creeping up too often. And how he feels like strangling someone and chewing someone's head off. Hahaahahaha.......hilarious really!!!! Ok .....ok....in his moment of anger, I shall contain myself. He was angry at everything really. Photostat shop, lunch food stunk, people, etc. I told him to take a warm shower then got a reply that there was no hot water. I was like "huh, mai ah ma".

And then just before I was to leave for yum cha, another friend messaged me saying that how it still hurts "breaking up". Not sure how one breaks up when one is supposedly not together unless one is lying. Hmmmm....Food for thought.

Then there is the ever faithful complainer of the "I hate my job". The complaints are daily and never vary. Boredom to the person listening to them. But this is only shows that my friend seriously needs to go job hunting before her own voice kills her =P

And we have not counted the so called "wrongs" in my life.

So here I am seated in front of the laptop, thinking ...... "God, are You there?". Tonight probably a billion girls are asking you why they cant be with the love of their lives or why they have not met the love of their lives? And probably some praying earnestly for breakthroughs in their finance or studies or work or some other area in their life?

I know deep down inside me that it could be a whole lot worst for people so I am not going to be stupid and ask whether things could be worse cos I know it can.

Today, I read Proverbs 16 which speaks about dependence on God and believing that He is truly sovereign. Also read about how God allows evil to happen (though it is not from Him) but He makes it work for our good at the end of day.

God, I trust You are sovereign. I bring my friends and myself before You. God, you know the heartaches. You know the secret hurts. The times when crying just doesnt help. The moments when releasing anger just doesn't do justice. Lord, I ask for Your favor, for Your divine intervention for breakthroughs in the different people in the different areas. I ask for Your protection over us. Pray that Your angels will watch over us. In Your precious name. Amen.

P/S: Love you lots.

Been wondering.....is life as it should be? Or is there more than this?

Music Taggy

The requirements:1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question (but it seems you can insert lyrics from the song if you want lah... in addition to the title...so if it's suitable, just go ahead lah)
4. NO CHEATING!!!

(1) How am I feeling today?
Best I ever had (by Vertical Horizon)

This is so not true. It has been filled with so much mixed feelings.

(2) Where will I get married?
Spice up your life (by Spice Girls)

Haahahaaa.....Guess it'll definitely be some place I will have a blast. Hey, after all I am getting married, right? So it's should be a super hyper day.

(3) What is my best friend's theme song?
Hero (by Mariah Carey)

Actually I have many best friends so this is truly difficult to answer. I think it's a superb song. And believe it should be in everyone's theme song list.

(4) What was high school like?
Hey Ya (by Outkast)

Hmmmm....No comments.

(5) What is the best thing about me?
Fallin' (by Alicia Keys)

Does this mean that no matter what shit is thrown my way, I keep on fallin' ie keep on loving. Hmmmm....scary.....

(6) How is today going to be?
I'll never break your heart (by Backstreet Boys)

So so true.....the song lyrics is about a guy who promises never to break the girl's heart. She has difficulty to love again cos she has been badly hurt before. My reason for being emo'ing.

(7) What is in store for this weekend? (Does this count since the weekend is almost up?)
Survivor (by Destiny's Child)

Well technically it is true. I was thinking how I was going to survive this weekend. There were some crucial decisions I had to make this weekend and was asking God for His wisdom to make them.

(8) What song describes my parents?
Searching My Soul (by Vonda Shepherd)

Well I think my parents are people who know their mind but I suppose in some ways, they have always been from time to time struggled to understand me hence searching my soul. Not so much theirs.

(9) How is my life going?
Don't Know Why (by Norah Jones)

Hmmmmm.....perhaps......

(10) What song will they play at my funeral?
When Will I See You Again (by Brother Beyond)

=) See you in heaven k. And no, you don't have to wait forever.

(11) How does the world see me?
Because of You (by Kelly Clarkson)

I perceived this song as one sung from a woman who tries to be strong despite circumstances in her life. I am not the strongest person (emotionally, physically and mentally) but I do try my best.

(12) What do my friends really think of me?
My Favourite Things (by Julie Andrews in Sound of Music)

I hope I am one of their favourite things.......or rather favourite friends. Paraphrasing the song, when they think of me, they won't feel so bad.

(13) Do people secretly lust after me?
The One (by Mariah Carey)

No comments.

(14) How can I make myself happy?
Sweet Home Alabama (by Counting Crows)

=)

(15) What should I do with my life?
Everytime I Close My Eyes (by Babyface)

To try again?

(16) Will I ever have children?
The Actor (by Michael Learns To Rock)

Doesnt make any sense.

(17) What is some good advice?
Somewhere Somehow (by Wet Wet Wet)

Perhaps.

(18) What do I think my current theme song is?
I Need A Girl (by P. Diddy featuring Usher & Loon)

Well, it seems I've been bugged about this quite often recently. Ok....ok....I will consider. The song talks about how he needs a girl to be his wife. Ironic that in 365, we were discussing about BGR. And how we should date with marriage in mind. Guess if there is potential husband material, there should be no reason for me to turn him down, right?

(19) What does everyone think of my current life?
Because Of You (by Kelly Clarkson)

Strange.....I am at a song that has already been heard. Same as Q(11). Hmmm......

(20) What type of style of men do I like?
One Love (by Blue)

Precisely.

(21) Will I get married?
Stuck (by Stacie Orico)

Hmmmm...2 ways of looking at this.....(1) I am stuck for an answer to that question, or (2) I am stuck as in stuck at this juncture of my life.

(22) What should I do with my love life?
All Out Of Love (Air Supply)

Don't tell me I need to tell him......

(23) Where will I live?
Did You Ever Love Somebody (by Jessica Simpson)

Please pray tell me that I will not continue to live in the past.

(24) What will my dying words be?
Always (by Atlantic Star)

Always love you.....

(25) When I'm having sex, I say....
Swear it again (by Westlife)

It speaks for itself....

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they're lying
Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I Just you and I

Chorus: I
'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
All over again

Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying
Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
The more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

(26) When I meet a guy/ girl for the first time, I say....
Shape of My Heart (by Backstreet Boys)

Nope, totally out.

(27) When my parents are angry, I say....
Born to make you happy (by Britney Spears)

Hahahaha......although she didn't sing it in this context. Guess if we take it literally then ok la.

Well hope you had fun reading.

the anxiety is getting to me....

Have you ever felt afraid of making the wrong move? And when you finally decide to risk it and tell God that it's entirely up to Him, He actually grants you favor and opens the door? And when you're in the midst of being estatic.....you await for the plan to unfold, you realise that you're as scared as ever? And worried that your heart will be sorely disappointed? Then you tell yourself it's all going to be ok. But deep, deep down....you still worry.

God, I am worried. That is probably an understatement. Someone once mentioned (cant recall who though) that ever since that incident, I have not been able to receive love easily. Love of any form actually. Is that true? That I don't allow people to take care of me (or at least to a very large extent) because I fear I will be deemed weak or dependant on another or worst that I am vying for someone's attention.

But now this very minute. I commit everything into Your hands. God, You know the anxieties of my heart and You know my going in and going out. I ask for Your best. Help me trust in You. God, You are sovereign over all things. Including my life.

In Your Precious Name.

Amen.

Extraordinary Coincidences

I have always been a thoughtful person. As in I am constantly thinking about many matters. I was reading earlier and came across this statement. Found it profound of our lives on earth.

"When the dance of life confounds us and we're uncertain about the next step, we can pause and remember that the chereography of our existence is divine and purposeful."

God is sovereign over all things. He is sovereign over your life and mine.

Dedicated to my youths, may you always remember that your life is carefully thought of.

Jeremiah 29v11 says, " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope".

Love you, God. Muaks.