Friendship & Money

"The holy passion of friendship is so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring in nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money". ~Mark Twain~

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give". ~Winston Churchill~

"No one has ever become poor by giving". ~Anne Frank~

The Car Accident on 19.01.07

Last Friday on the way back from work, I was hit by a van behind and pushed to hit the car in front of me. I was shocked. To my horror, when I came out of the car, I had to deal with 5 guys being the driver of the car in front and the other 4 were from the van behind. I begun to shake. I glanced at my car and realised everything from the seats had fallen to the ground as well as the things which were in the compartment by my passenger seat.

Anyway while I was speaking to the driver from the van behind when the driver in the car in front drove off. Not sure why either. Anyway, we proceeded to the police station after that only for me to realise that the van was nowhere in sight. By that time, I had already informed my dad and Meng Hong. I was in a state of panic cos at that juncture I had forgotten to take the number plate of the van. All I had was his handphone number.

Thankfully Meng Hong was there waiting for me at the police station. I have to say something.....He's really been a rock the last weekend. He guided me to fill in the report, carried my laptop, had his arm around me the whole time, called the van driver a million times before he actually arrived, followed the police to take pics of the car damage, tailed me behind on my way back from the polica station, waited with me till my parents came home, made sure I ate something after everything, went with me to the mechanic to get a quotation of the repairs, etc, etc.

This morning went to the insurance co and wanted to submit a request for my claims. The assessment (after 2 hours of being there), was a bare 50% of my mechanic's estimation. I was really furious. Anyway, finally sent the car back to a panel workshop so that the insurance co and the panel workshop can fight it out amongst themselves.

I will be carless for the next 2 weeks. Feel so dependent and immobile. It is a very frustrating feeling.

Anyway, enough blogging for now. Need to get back to work. My aim is to submit a report to my manager later tonight.

Through the accident, I am grateful firstly to be alive. Secondly, cos of my manja boy being so sweet. Thirdly, cos my manager is really sweet abt the matter and gave me time off to do what I need to do.

Anxiety brews within me....

Every passing day brings more and more anxiety. The peak period is finally here. Feeling the immense pressure. Work is piling up. 365 stuff are pending. Been trying to find time to sit down with Rich & Loui to finalise the event committees. Even asked for lunch hours where I will go and meet them however there never seems a suitable time or place. Everyone is busy busy.

My friend's dad was admitted to ICU last weekend. Came out to the normal ward only to return to ICU yesterday. She has been in the midst of switching jobs over to EY as the pay is better. Mind you she has left audit due to the pressure but alas, money is of a great need. If not for the money, I don't think I will be putting up with the pressure and the whole rat race thing.

Sometimes I am afraid that I will lose myself. Yesterday evening just threw the suggestion to my dad about me considering slowing down if I made it to Assistant Manager end of the year. Believe me, you would tear if you were in my shoes. Told me I should not even think of slowing down until I am 35 years old.

My colleague was telling me today that she has never pak tor before cos during her uni days her dad did not allow it. And when she came out to work, she was busy with work. Every night (including Sundays) she is at office. Sick but true. But the competition is really great. I am only praying to God that somehow He will grant me favor with my bosses so I need not work the crazy hours in order to make it to AM. And she mentioned that she is in audit because of her father.

I realise that we are more influenced by our parents more than we think.

My table is full of files and wondering whether there is an end to this. Currently having a slight fever and my nose is leaking. Wishing I could be on MC but alas, that is possible. Wondering whether there is an end to this rat race.....and if there isn't, whether it is all worth it? Is it worth the sleepless nights? Is it worth the anxiety that brews inside?

It's easy to say commit it to God....but I am holding back my tears.

Celebrating Life....

I spent the whole day in church for a "Kingdom Parables" seminar. Was feeling very restless and uncomfortable due to an airy tummy and was a tad bit worried whether I would last through the night.
Tonight we celebrated my Auntie Choo's 60th birthday. She is the 3rd child from my mum's family. The hallmark of her life is her steadfastness and her consistent love for the family. She has looked after many of my cousins, my grandmother and recently when my uncle's wife suffered from a stroke, she also took it upon herself to care for her. By the way, dude on the far left is my cousin Joel from JB. Currently studying SAM at Taylors.

One of persons I look forward to seeing every time I meet up with mum's side of the family (which is rather frequent ie once a week) is my youngest cousin, Janelle (Jan, for short). Here is a picture of Jan, Jonathan (her brother) and me. Does Jonathan have the Harry Potter specs? Anyway, they're both adorable. Actually Jan was wearing a nice dress but she puked twice on it before she arrived hence the pyjamas looking baju =P

On the way home, I received an sms from Jess asking me if I could steal one thing from her, what would it be? Told her it would be her big eyes and she replied that if she had to steal something from me, it would be my smile.

Came home and suddenly sis asked me to teman her to makan ice kacang with Jus and his siblings. I quickly called my manja boy and tada we were on our way. I sat down for less than half an hour before Meng Hong and I left.

The day was draggy. It only got better during 365. Oh forgot to mention that 365 was really inspiring today. God really spoke to me throughout. It just confirmed many things of what Meng Hong and I had discussed. Guess I am no different from others. I am still learning and growing. One of the things I have always seen in my life is His faithfulness. That as I trust Him and give Him my best, He will protect and provide for me. And for that, I am glad He is my Father.

Goodnight to the world. May you sleep tight and have sweet dreams knowing He loves you.

Year 2007

It's almost going to be mid-jan. I have always been a reflective sort of person so have been taking stock of my life in 2007 thus far.

Family
In the last 2 months of 2006 and the recent 2 weeks, we have spent alot of time together as a family. I saw another side of my parents, especially my dad. His openness and generosity to Meng Hong, Meng Chern and Justin really touched my heart. If everything else in the world goes wrong, at least I know I have a great family who loves me alot.

Love
Meng Hong asked me to be his gf on 26.12.06. It has been a winding road but I am glad we are where we are today. Blur me didn't realise he had been calling/ chatting/ sms'ing me the last one year. Happy that God in His own time and wisdom allowed this friendship to grow. I was just told by one of my colleagues that I am on cloud 9 and I am glowing all over. What can I say? It's great to be in love. Of course, we have our own set of challenges but seriously, we've prayed to God asking for His guidance and protection to live our lives together for Him so just wishing and hoping for the best. And I guess at the end of the day, irregardless of how things end, he is still one of my good friends and rather risk my heart with a good friend than a complete stranger.

Friends
It's a time of transition. Being in EY has allowed me to meet new friends, potential good friends. However, to be honest at present my heart is very much with my old buddies in PwC. But from my experience of moving from Deloitte to PwC, friendship is fragile however with much care, it can still be maintained. So looking forward to many good years of good friendships, both new and old.

Work
EY's work culture and style is way different from PwC. Like in most situations, there are the pros and cons. Just need time to adjust. Thank God, I have a great manager and a great team to work with. Peak is coming though or rather here dy so not quite looking forward to it. Prayed to God to speak to me about where He wants me to be. Want to be open.

365 Student Ministry
We have a target to grow to 3,000 pax. In line with that, strategies and programmes have been set into place and are still in the midst of being tweaked here and there. An excitement bubbles within me. Though there are instances when I feel overwhelmed but nothing compares to the anticipation of the many big and small miracles that are going to unfold in the years ahead. Full steam ahead, man!!!!

I didn't make any new year's resolutions as I did in the prior year. Just whispered a prayer to God to continue to build me and teach me His ways. To grow up to be the woman He destined me to be. To grant me grace to be a good testimony to those around me. To know Him better.

Into Your hands I commit year 2007.

Christmas Dinner @ Sheraton Subang

Before the dinner, Justin and Meng Hong came to pick my sis and I up. Dad was in his cameraman mood as usual so we took a couple of shots. Some inside the home. Some outside. Love the outside shots.

Last night was a blast. As it was every year, the church will organise a Christmas Dinner. Last night was slightly different due to a number of reasons. Firstly I had the privilege of 2 of my best buds attending the dinner with me namely Yom Sharina and Pritam. It was sweet.

We had performances by several people. Enjoyed this the item shared by 2 of my youths, Su Ann and Abel. Can't exactly remember the lyrics of the song but simply loved the ambience as they sat by the staircase of the stage and sang their lungs out.

And then my all time favourite was Uncle Larry....

There was another "stunt" that night which was unusual. Basically 4 dudes, 3 were Africans and one so called Malaysia black. Behold the stunt.

The food was relatively ok. Suffered from gastric though hence making the evening a tad bit unpleasant. Thank God for friends on the table to chit chat with. I felt really enjoyed the evening. It was sweet.

The evening ended with our usual photo taking session. Guess having a dad that loves taking pics has made it such a norm to pose in front of the camera.

Definitely a night to remember.

Tomorrow's Christmas!!!!

Family Dinner @ Chilis

Nope, they aint brothers...

Fajita filling

Lamb chop

Friends since high school

Picture of Us

Meng Chern feeding dad =P

One's mouth cant be that big to fit this...

Isn't he just adorable???

Nachos - the best in town

Group Pic (without dad)

Summary => Great time PIGGING OUT!!!!

Another day coming to an end....

From the title above, you would think it's a good thing. Well not with the deadline getting nearer and the work still substantially not done.

Worked through lunch only to realise that my tummy was empty when about 4 plus I felt pukey and went to the toilet to throw up mostly air and I think abit of coffee. At around half past 4, my colleague and I decided we needed a quick break so ventured downstairs to the sundry shop. Bought Mamee to fill the tummy. Still coughing like nobody's business.

Discoveries of the day:
(a) I badly need a massage. Actually badly need sleep but that is near impossible so why bother mentioning, right?
(b) Mum messaged and told me she wants to buy me a dress for Christmas Dinner. So very sweet of her. She volunteered to pick and since she has better taste than me, I think it's a brilliant idea.
(c) I miss my family and friends.
(d) Messaged my manager today asking him whether it's ok if I hand up my work after camp giving time to work during camp (though that is not exactly an ideal plan). He said ok to my relief. Now need to compile and pick on my client's brains before I leave Sg.Petani.
(e) An S1's scope in EY is different from that in PwC.
(f) I look so "chan". I mean I noticed that the last 2 days but today when I stared at myself, I was shocked. Hopefully hubby has enough money for me to pay for cosmetics and spa treatments. If not, I am doomed =(
(g) Ugliness is very subjective. A friend sent me a pic of a guy she was ranting about being ugly. When I opened the pic, I had a hard time trying to figure out which part of him was ugly till he deserved the continous complaint.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. If not, at least I have something to look forward to in the evening. And since my battery charger fiused, I can't be working on my laptop for more than an hour. Maybe it's God's way of giving me a break for a night.

Well that's it for the day. Back to Purchases and Payments controls testing and more AR.

Feel like fainting....

Slept at 3am plus. Didn't sleep well as had too much caffeine inside my body. Been working straight non stop since morning. Only time I drank any form of liquid was during lunch - "suit cha". Toilet break - twice. Computer hanged - 2 times (i think). Tummy feels a little bit painful. Sigh. God, I can't wait till Friday evening. Friend is coming to visit me. Yippee....A familiar face finally. Trying very hard to finish my work so I will have time on Saturday evening to pack for camp and just do minor touch ups to my work. Need to upload to the office server on Sunday before church means have to wake up early on Sunday and drive all the way to D'sara Heights.

Highlights of the day:
(a) Best friend 1 called me and told me that her boyfriend and her have decided to do some business for extra income. And if it goes well, she will quit her job permanently in2 years time.
(b) Best friend 2 was commenting that audit firms are no place for pregnant women. Totally agree.
(c) Best friend 3 was commenting that I need to relax and not force myself to work. Is that even remotely possible?
(4) Youth pastor (not sure which one though as it was online and he/she didn't tell me which one he/she is) asked me for updates. **wink**wink**None whatsoever.

My current desire at this very moment is to take a warm shower.........to stand (or sit) in the bathtub and let the water run thru my hair all the way down to my toes. If I could scream, that would be a bonus.

Back to work. Got a whole load to do. Kill me.......if you have no solution. Hug me.....if you love me. Hug me like you really feel for me. I'm not even hungry. Just so need to sleep.

The Layer Tag

Presently doing this to destress....hopefully it works.

Layer ONE : On the Outside
Name : Grace Eu Swee Leng
Birthdate : 3rd November 1981
Current Status : Single and availability is subjective
Eye Color : Dark Brown
Hair Color : Dark Brown
Righty or Lefty : A definite right handed person
Zodiac Sign : A mysterious Scorpio

Layer TWO : On the Inside
Your heritage : Full of professionals ie lawyers/ engineers/ accountants
Your fears : Pain and sickness
Your weakness : Sometimes short tempered lor
Your perfect pizza : Island Supreme from Pizza Hut

Layer THREE : Yesterday, Today & Tomorrow
Your first thoughts when waking up in the morning : I wish I didn't have to work.
Your bedtime : Depends whether I have to work or not.
Your most missed memory : Walking in the park with someone I cannot be with.

Layer FOUR : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : Coke gua.
Mcdonalds or Burger King : Definitely McDs.
Single or group dates : Depends.
Adidas or Nike : Nike.
Lipton Tea or Nestea : Lipton.
Chocolate or Vanilla : Chocolate.
Cappucino or Coffee : Cappucino.

Layer FIVE
Do you smoke : Never.
Curse : No.
Take a shower : Don't be an idiot, of course I do.
Have a crush : As in now....crush would mean feelings for someone but depth undetermined right? If that is the case then yes gua.
Think you've been in love : Yes.
Go to school : Not now dy.
Want to get married : Yes.
Believe in yourself : I have my moments.
Think you're a health freak : If I say yes to this, I will get stoned for lying publicly.

Layer SIX : In the past month
Drank alcohol : Took a sip of Pritam's cocktail in Fridays. Didn't like it. Generally I don't drink. Don't like the taste and prefer not to be on middle ground in these matters.
Gone to the mall : Yes.
Been on stage : As in walked on the stage then yes. Every Sunday when I do offering =)
Eaten sushi : Sigh. No. So miss it.
Dyed your hair : Nope.

Layer SEVEN : Have you ever?
Played a stripping game : Yes.
Changed who you were to fit in : I think when I was younger I did.

Layer EIGHT :
Age you're hoping to get married : 27 years old.

Layer NINE : In a guy
Best eye colour : Dark brown.
Best hair colour : Brown or black.
Long or short hair : Definitely short . ( a special note to Yoyo).

Layer TEN : What were you doing....
1 minute ago : answering the tag
1 hour ago : Working.
4.5 hours ago : Working.
1 month ago : Was in church actually.
1 year ago : Working in Seremban.

Layer ELEVEN : Finish the sentence
I love : potatoes
I feel : stressed
I hate : work sometimes.
I hide : my fears.
I miss : at the moment too numb to miss anyone.
I need : some sleep.

Back to work.

A different view from Sg Petani

I arrived in Penang around 9 plus last night. Boy, were we starving. Had a quick bite at New Lane before heading to my colleague's place in Kampung Melayu to spend the night.

We arrived at my client's place in Sg Petani this morning. What can I say? It's full of paddy fields and terribly peaceful. To say life here is different would be an understatement. However, it's a good change.

Still recovering from a horrid flu. Client's place is awfully cold. I am freezing here. Sigh. This is not the ideal environment to get well. Badly want to get well as I want to be able to enjoy camp and technically it's difficult to teach and pray for others when one is on medication.

Have yet to check into the hotel. Guess it should be ok. It has a bowling alley next to it. Not that I am a bowling fan. Can't bowl even if you paid me to =P

Missing my bed very much. While in Penang yesterday and early this morning, I am reminded why I love it so much. Love water and the scenery. Gives me a feeling that words can't possibly describe. Water does mesmerize me in some ways. Makes me step back and take stock about what counts in life.

I asked my colleague whether it's true that Penangnites don't appreciate the sea as much as us outsiders do cos they had it with them all their lives. She said yes. Haahaahaaa.....we're always like that, I suppose. We only appreciate something/ someone when it/ he/ she is not around us often. Absence makes the heart grow fonder huh?

I think I could be bias but if I had the opportunity to be mesmerized by the sea every day, I would go for it if not for the lack of time. Silly people to live on an island and yet take it for granted. I would buy a condo overlooking the sea and just bask in its beauty.

Rather tired dy. Been working non-stop the whole day. Tonight is another long night working at the hotel and looking through camp stuff. Quite looking forward to it. Bet the rest of the youths are. Hope they are la cos the comm has been working their butts off.

Ok, it's back to work. Can't wait till Sat. Possibly the only duh thing is I am so near Penang yet I can't go to the beach =(

But I am reminded yet again that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

An exciting ride ahead

Today I woke up feeling like I could fall right back to sleep. However, managed to pull myself out of bed and went to have breakie with my usual makan kakis' ie DC (Daniel) and Meng Hong. Joey was there as well....but he's not the usual.

Nothing unusual happened today except that I was reminded of a few truths in my life which make me appreciate life in general a little bit more.

(a) AJ text me asking me for breakie. Though I'd already eaten, I accompanied her in a nearby coffee shop. Then chatted with her for awhile. Sat with her throughout the whole meeting. She's been such a great friend. Like a big sis to me. Known her for ages dy and really she has always been there. She loved me when I was a wreck. She loves me now when I am not such a wreck. Am really grateful for her.

(b) I am daddy's number one fan. Dad is my all time favourite preacher, not because he's my dad but because I enjoy his preaching. Sure, dad ain't hip and happening (far from it, I think though in food/ restaurants....dad is way better than my sis and me) but he has substance and he is not demeaning. Like it when he speaks in point form....Fyi, just for the footnote, noticed dad's shirts are looking better these days......guess what? He bought them himself! Finally years of sticking near mum and me is bearing fruit =)

(c) Kenneth and I always have thoughts flying through our heads while we're listening to the sermons or in meetings. And usually we have some mutual understanding in what we are ok or not ok with. Realise today was another example of why we are better friends than I am with others. Sometimes words need not be said. Just a common eye contact or a nod or a weird smile indicating,"Hmmmm.......".....

(d) Meng Yoe looks way cuter in short boyish haircut and should seriously consider maintaining the look. He looks ugly any other way. Wish people would stop lying to him about his long hair equals hot. On a more personal note, I was not feeling well last night and he sent me home. Guess Yoyo has been and still is the best bro any girl could have.

(e) My sister and I both thought the guy "Tosh" in the video presentation was cute. Great minds think alike. Beyond the looks, I guess in many ways, my sis and I share similar values and principles and for that I am glad we are family.

(f) The Indian people I saw in the video were so passionate about revival in their lives and their nation. I envied them and covet that for us here. And also realise sometimes I get too caught up in the "I need to look good" thing and realise alot of the youths like to criticise me about certain things and realise that I need to just deal with it and not succumb to it. There are bigger issues at stake here.

(g) DC mentioned to me this morning again that every time he looks at me, he sees more and more of mum in me, as in looks wise and that in 20 years time, I am going to look like mum today. I thought about it and figured it's a good thing. More than just looks, mum is a superwoman. She is capable in her career, in admin stuff, sure she is a bit fessed up at times over stuff like cleanliness and silly other things which she considers important but she has a kind heart, compassionate toward the less fortunate, chatterbox by nature, etc.....and fashion style which leave my friends wondering why I can't dress more trendy. Love mudd alot.

(h) During the entire day and especially so during the 365 Comm Mtg, I was excited and scared at the same time of the great things God is going to do in our youth group. We're aiming to grow to 3,000 pax in 3 years. I am considering many things and really logically speaking there is only so much we can do. However, Kenneth and I have ALWAYS at the end of every year told each other, we are who we are and what we have because of God's grace. And I believe that as the comm and the youth group put their hearts and mind to it, we will indeed witness a miracle. I am so so so excited!!!!! Not going to miss this for the world, man!!!!

Ok...off to read proposals from the comm and do some reading then it's light outs. Yes, I am a baby. I sleep early.

The FIRSTs & LASTs tag

10 Firsts--
First Best Friend > Chong Euying (Std 1 best friend and we're still friends till today)
First Screen name > To be honest, dun really get this one.
First Pet Name > Gracie =)
First Piercing > Ears and nothing else has and will be pierced
First Crush > I believe it was in Kindie.....but cant recall his name, maybe Edward or Eugene...
First CD - Backstreet Boys
First School - Grace Kindergarten
First Cries - When born, duh
First Kiss - Hahahahha.....must I tell you?
First Car - A purple kancil....wiped out my bank account to pay for the car and the remaining balance dad and mum helped out.

9 Lasts--
Last Time You Smoked > Never
Last Food You Ate > Wedges with sour cream @ Ms.Reads
Last Car Ride > My own?
Last Movie You Watched > Rob B Hood
Last Phone Call > With someone from EY HR dept
Last Bubble Bath You Took > Er....it's been awhile liao....
You Listened To > Too Little Too Late by Jojo
Last Words You Said - "Dee, what do you want for Christmas?"

8 Have You Ever--
Dated A Best Friend > Always dated my best friends
Been Arrested > Nope
Been on TV > Nope
Eaten Sushi - Of course!!!
Cheated On Your B/F or G/F > Not my style
Been On A Blind Date > Nope....not something I do
Been Out Of The Country > Yup
Been In Love > Once

7 Things You Are Wearing--
1 > Pyjamas
2 > Dolphin bracelet from Perlini's Silver
3 > Spectacles
4 > Silver chain
5 > Diamond pendant from Diamond Platinum which my sis bought for my 21st bday
6 > Undergarments....duh???
7 > Nightcream (going to put on in a couple of minutes)

6 Things You've Done Today
1 > Tried the famous brownie with ice cream @ Ms.Reads (confirmed it's heavenly...a must try)
2> Spent time with my best friend, Li-Ann
3 > Worked?
4 > Exercised by walking alot today
5 > Tried breakfast at a new place in KL Sentral station....Not bad.
6 > Started reading "Now, Discover your strengths (How to develop your talents and those of the people you manage)" by Marcus Buckhingham and Donald O Cliffton

5 Favorite Things (not in any order)--
1 > Sophie (my soft toy since I was 4 yrs of age
2 > Perfumes
3 > Accesories
4 > Potatoes
5 > Clothes from Cat Whiskers and Blook

4 People You Most Trust--
1 > My family
2 > Li-Ann
3 > Meng Yoe
4 > Jenny

3 Things You Want To Do Before You Die--
1 > Get married
2 > Give birth and raise a kid or kids
3 > Stay at an expensive beach resort

2 Choices--
Vanilla or Chocolate - Chocolate
Hugs or Kisses - Hmmm....tough one....

1 Person You Want To See Right Now--
No point wanting cos it won't happen

Tag--
1 > Meng Hong
2 > Su-Lyn
3 > Paul
4 > Abel
5 > Meng Yoe
6 > Joyce
7 > Natalie

the Grace of God....and a little on LDRs

The last weekend this seem to be the prevailing emphasis.

Just as I was standing by the stage waiting to go up and do offering, I secretly wished the worship team would sing "We're here by grace". Of course, they didn't but Un Wah Lok did.

On Friday night, dad and I had an emo talk. I was emo, he was not. Talked about various aspects of my life and one of the constant topics has always been my career path/ choice. Alot of people have not been all that agreeable to my long (not to mention terribly late and unsafe) working hours. And though these are not the reasons why I enjoy my work, however I still maintain the stand there is something more I can learn.

Just on Friday evening, I'd received a phone call from a lady from another church whose age would be like ma's, I think...Within the conversation, she must have asked me how long do I plan to work like this about 5 times. Sigh. Trust me, I am getting less and less convinced that this is the way to go. But I have always set a timeline so till that time comes, the journey must continue.

Back to the service this morning. I was so blessed by the song items. I could not help but look and think to myself that God has really done something in Un Wah Lok's life. He is so much more radiant (I know this word is usually used for women but can't think of a similar word for a male so this will have to do). And am reminded it is truly by the grace of God.

A friend and I were discussing about long distance relationships and whether it works, is it practical......

I am of the stand that if one has not started the relationship and one party has to be away, then best to just not start at all. However if the relationship has started and in the middle if one is seconded to another location/ country, then there is room for re-evalution of the continuity of the relationship. And if the relationship is strong and ready for marriage, should the couple consider marriage sooner because one is going to be away so that both parties can be together?
There was no conclusion. Guess different people have different perspectives.

True Love...

"True love is not about loving someone perfect but loving their imperfections perfectly!"

Read the above from my cousy's blog and was reminded of what it means to love someone. And how God loves me the way I am.

Tofu'ness

Slept pretty late last night cos was yakking on the phone. Woke up in the morning feeling abit like I was on my way to being a tofu. 6am morning prayer was spent catching up with my sis. Yes, I should have concentrated. I am sorry.

Some things that have been running through my mind...

(a) Is having money really all that important? I mean is living a life of luxury really something I want?

(b) Is risking again ever going to happen for me again? What is wrong with me sometimes I don't understand.

(c) Is my back going to break anytime soon? And why is my tummy so airy?

Went for a required medical check up. Took almost 3 hours. Then went to pops house to pick up the chicked meat for ma. Then came back only to lie down for 5 minutes and head out for lunch. Came back feeling even more like a tofu.

Anyway, started picking people about half past 2 and then there was 365. Some stuff were playing through my mind during 365. Anyway, I went out for altar call. Actually did not need anyone specifically to pray for me. Really could have been alone with God. Louisa prayed for me. Said a couple of things which made sense ie I am carrying burdens that maybe God never meant for me to carry, that I am precious in His eyes and her heart, I am wanting to move to another level, God is even challenging me about different things, etc. I wish I could have cried more. Last night I talked to dad about some issues. Teared quite a fair bit.

Dad said he loved me very much and wants the best for me. And wants me to be happy. He wants me to have the best. And he is my sounding board. Guess I feel pressured when no one but myself is pressuring me.

God, guide me. Grant me wisdom. Show me the right thing to do.

Tofu signing off to bed. Nite nite.

Quote of the day

" ... the lessons that I carry from growing up are the things that help a guy like me, who hasn't graduated from high school, compete with people who've been to Wharton and have long resumes. I learnt about integrity, sticking by your word and taking chances. You have nothing so your choice is between doing nothing and taking a chance. You take a chance. Growing up, you had to be an entrepreneur. I guess that's helped me a lot in business because I've never been one to think in the box. I'm not institutionalised. "

Shawn Carter aka Jay-Z (hip-hop artist, former drug-dealer & successful entrepreneur)

Scare of the Day

The day started out relatively ok. I had to drag a ton of stuff to office this morning. Completed my work and was preparing for my training this morning.

Halfway through training, I realised that my tag (access card) was missing from the string around my neck. I searched and search the whole entire floor. And the toilets as well. Sigh.

Anyway after lunch, I went into another training room and found it there. It was occupied earlier on hence could not check. Phew.....was quite annoyed actually during the few hours I could not find my card.

The rest of the afternoon was rather boring.

After work, I made my way to Sue Min's place. Was to meet her for dinner. My birthday treat to lamb chop. Yummy. Before I went to her place, I stopped by the bank only to be annoyed again that my ATM card didn't work. I tried getting money out earlier in the afternoon but the machine could not read my card. Sigh. So dad had to rescue me and give me cash till I find time to get a new one.

Yesterday night my friend and I talked about honeymoon spots. Hilarious really. I was abit reluctant to tell. I guess maybe being the over cautious/ protective of my own heart, I try not to indulge in unnecesary display of my wishes especially this sort cos I suppose it's more of the "less you hope the less you get disappointed" sort of thing. Get my drift?

Well places I definitely want to visit (again) although some not set for the honeymoon setting are as follows:-

(a) India (want to visit the children's home in Chennai...maybe will go with dad next year)

(b) Gold Coast, Australia (cos I want to go to Movie World, etc...plus it's by the beach...)

(c) Bali, Indonesia (cos it's simply romantic and relaxing)

(d) Thailand (cos everything is cheap so shopping and spa'ing can be done without much guilt)

(e) Swansea, Whales (actually just want to eat scones at that restaurant by the sea again)

(f) Bum around England to the various towns (but don't want to be the one driving)

(g) Disneyland, USA (cos I am a real kid inside)

(h) South Africa (cos I heard it's beautiful and being an auditor, I want to verify and confirm that statement).

Actually I think I want to go to more places than I admit. Goodness.....must work hard dy.

Sigh....

Lack of words for an appropriate word for the occasion, the above comes to mind.

Fyi, life has started to be more hectic than ever. With the increasing responsibilities at work ie reaching work at 7am and sleeping after 1am every night. Getting up 6am is not a delight, trust me. Sigh.

To add to the pressure, there is a lot to be done with regards to 365. Not that I am complaining, mind you. However it does not change the fact that it requires energy. It's a mixture of feelings really. So many stuff happening in the background. You cannot imagine. Last night at upper room meeting, I just felt like puking and then fainting. My eyeballs were about to fall out, not to mention my fingers were about to break as the prayers were one after the other. Who cares about the one typing, right? Sigh. Ok....ok....I don't mind typing but seriously there was no break.

Then there is the confusion of my love life. Up to this afternoon, I did not realise how confusing it has become. I was asked whether I was attached and you know what? I don't know what we are. We're not together. I have not said yes. But I do enjoy his company. A tiny part of me inside wonders whether people out there really want to see me happy or they just want to be no 8. Sigh.

Then there is the increasing worry that I am putting on weight. Or rather weight is fluctuating. And then there was the tiny scare of possibly being sick...really sick. Then there was the moment whereby I thought I was going to pass out of tiredness. Sigh.

Then there is the feeling of brokeness. PwC still owes me cash, man!!!! So dying a slow and painful death. But with my mood slowly deteriorating, I won't be that hungry gua. Sigh.

Sigh. There is no other way to end this. Sigh.

Where are you when i need you? Let me guess....Out eating. Sigh. Just as I finished this sentence you messaged and said you will be late. Double sigh.

Possibly the few minute partial moments of happiness were the following:-

(a) Curry puff with potato for breakie yesterday and this morning.

(b) Cold coffee yesterday and this morning.

(c) Mozza burger and curly fries with a huge cup of rootbeer float for lunch today.

All in all being very generous in ratings, it gave me like half an hour (I eat fast k) of pleasure? Sigh. What is half an hour la?

More Birthday Pressies

First and foremost want to say thanks to Jess and the rest of my cell gals for the delicious cake and the cute gift. The ironic thing was I walked into a shop a month back. Wanted to buy this cup but decided against wasting money. So to my sweet surprise.....I have it now.

Then Jac and Terence L gave me something from Body Shop. Love Body Shop stuff.

Last gift is from Meng Hong.....Dad asked whether he bought me this because he thinks I am a monkey.....I hope not.

Off to bed. It has been a sweet day. Went to dinner to celebrate AJ's bday with Meng Hong and Daniel. Ate alot and laughed alot as well.

It's sweet dreams tonight.