Friendship (Part 2)

Yom, Ida and I.....We joined Deloitte in Aug'04. Man, that seems like yesterday. Since then we've all left Deloitte and moved on with our lives so to speak. Ida has since married her then boyfriend and the picture was taken at her son's (Amirul) 1st birthday party. We don't meet very often due to our busy schedules but we do make it a point to keep in touch throughout the year. If there was a big change in my life, they're definitely one of the first few people I would call. I cannot believe that time flies so fast. I am told that I am a rather driven person. Well needless to say, Yom and Ida are people with such a drive as well. But another thing that stands out about them is their view on family commitment. One of the reasons why they're driven in their careers/ studies is to provide better for their families. Think you girls are awesome. Girl power all the way!!!!
Picture was taken at Kher Shin's wedding. Wei Yin, Jojo, Kah Leng and me. Being in the assurance (audit) industry is not easy. You're constantly under pressure trying to meet the demands of your immediate supervisor, your director, your clients and at the same time trying to maintain a good morale and fight for the rights of your team. And sometimes it really gets to us. Being in an industry with more than 700 over people fighting for a share of the same pie provides unhealthy competition. This sort of environment often times make it difficult to find what we know as true friends. These girls have proven that it is possible. They were my associates (juniors) in various jobs and somehow we clicked and have always made an effort to meet almost every week (for Jojo and me, at least) or at every opportunity we can. We've shared a lot of bittersweet memories both with regards to work and personal. I'm going to miss all of you when I leave PwC.

Bel, Ally and me during CIPS days in CineLeisure. They're colleagues whom I work with on the Tractors audit. Last year, I did the same assignment. Though I found them friendly but I have to say we only got close during this year's audit. Since then there has been no turning back. It has been weekly walks (before the haze hits), makan sessions, yum cha times, and a whole lot of talking and laughing. Working such long hours with them on the assignment has indeed strengthen our friendship. During the last audit, some stuff had happened individually that has caused us individually to feel disappointed but I can only say that having them around had only kept me strong and not to give up. Can't wait till our slumber party!!!

Ju and me. Known Ju since we were in Form 5 gua. My first impression of her was "I don't like this girl!". Why? Well I had a crush on this guy in church at that time and people were teasing her and my crush la. I was terribly annoyed and actually believed that she did like the guy. She was very kind to me, providing me extra notes for SPM and all. And it was not like I was blatantly rude to her or anything. Just felt weird inside. Anyway, there was once a youth camp whereby I had to share a room with her ALONE!!!! God, I thought I was going to die. Still recall there was this one night I was just dead honest with her. And we cleared everything up that night. That was the time I decided in my heart that no guy is worth giving up a girlfriend for. And I also decided to give up my feelings for this crush. Decided he ain't worth it. I used to wear this ring as my commitment to him (yes, I was silly,sue me). Took the ring and threw it down the hill. Ju and I have been through much. Relationship trials, betrayals, sicknesses, career jeopardy, joys, triumphs. Guess it's been a wild ride.

I always say their my emotional support system. Jenny (in the middle) was first my tuition teacher. She attempted to teach me mandarine when I was just 13 years old. By the fact that I am a confirmed banana now, one should be able to tell that her mission to educate me failed. She's really a rock. We're years apart but we really click. She's like an older sis to me. Jade (far left)......met her when she first came to church with her sis. Very duh one that time. AJ and I were the only two Junior Youth Fellowship cell leaders so we went up to them and AJ asked me which one I wanted. So AJ took Pearlyn and I had Jade. She started out as a cell member and eventually became one of my best friends. So tada, never underestimate the power of God. How he can make something beautiful out of two unsuspecting and different people. Another lesson learnt is the world and society in general places so much emphasis on the "AGE" factor. If marriage is about friendship in a deeper way, and the way I see it, most of my friends and I are not the same age....shows that love can blossom and a marriage can still work irregardless of age.

Anyway, need to take a shower dy. Will continue with Part 3 later.

Friendship (Part 1)

Sunday's sermon really blessed me. Could not help but think of the many good friends I have around me.

First up is my sis (named Joyce but I call her Jo). Even though we're sisters and way different in many ways but seriously can't imagine life without her.

I still remember how I wished we could be similar when I was younger but thank God, He knew better. Sometimes I forget that I am older because she's taller and super practical. I'm more of the kiddo. Always laughing, talking and screaming =P

Next up are my brothers in Christ. What can I say? Talk about diversity. Yoyo sms'ed me during the sermon (yes, he's a naughty boy) and asked me why the family picture was not up on the slides. Anyway he mentioned how the family has diversity - the nerd (min ser), the bishop (kah mun), the playboy (yoyo), the hot (obviously joshy) and the queen bee (mua)!!!

One thing's for sure.....I'm never bored when I am with them. They rock!!!

Pritam and Junie....Met them during my first year in Sunway College. We've been friends for 8 years now. After our first year, both of them went to different unis to complete their studies while I continued in Sunway. I must mention something which I was truly blessed with. There was once a guy who always bullied me and made my life a living hell. One day, Junie went to his college to look for his car wanting to slash his tyres. She didn't manage to find his car as he had injured his toe and did not drive that week. It's probably not the most ethical thing to do but trust me, no one has ever stood up for me that way ever since my petbro in high school. Pritam and I now work in the same place. I must say that it feels great being treated as a princess. I have firsthand experience. Honestly, my life without them will be totally different. And it would surely be missing something.


My high school friends. Irene, me, Li Ann and Su Wei. Li Ann has been my best friend since Form 1. We were in the same class. At that time, I had another best pal who ditched me (literally, if girls could break up then that is exactly what happened) and I had no one to walk home from school with. So Li Ann came up to me and told me she thinks I'm great (which I know now but didn't know then) and if I didn't mind, she would love to walk from school with me. That was a start of a beautiful friendship. Thanks for believing in me. For thinking I'm gorgeous and beautiful inside out. Don't think people say that of me often so I do appreciate it especially when I am tengah emo. Strangely we've been through a lot of similar experiences, some at the same time. Some not. But it has only made our friendship stronger and deeper. Love you lots, gal.

Amy and I met during my first year of work in Deloitte. She was in the AmBank audit team with me. It's just amazing how two very different people can be such great friends. One thing great about Amy is that she can really chatter about alot of matters. Intellectually stimulating. Realise I have a lot of friends with substance which is truly blissful.

Continue with Part 2....

Growing up with grace

Dear Mr.Leong,

You mentioned tonight that I am not that young. If measured by age, I am not even a quarter of a century years old. If compared to yourself, then of course I am way older (and might I add richer in experience). Anyhow will age with grace. And I don't want to always be young. I do want to continue to grow and be the woman God has called me to be. So Mr.Leong, you're right. I am not that young and proud to be so. Decided to enjoy every bit of it. So to people who have nothing better to say, my advice to them would be to shut the gap cos I don't have time for it =P

Just me,
Ms.Eu

Significant moments of the day

There were some siginificant moments of the day. Thought I would pen it down and share.

(a) Went for breakie with a good girlfriend. Talked about our future and where we will be in a few years time. We also discussed about her upcoming interview. Throughout breakie, I just had this sense of excitement in me. I'm starting a new phase in my life. My friends are having greater opportunities opening up for them and am happy for them.

(b) Talk with one of my good guy friends. Talked super long till my right ear was burning. Chit chatted how annoyed I am with some people. How some people can be so different from us. Realised that it is a blessing to have someone understand.

(c) I crossed paths with the supposedly asshole. But he ignored me. And I did likewise. As I was driving, I thought that this won't be good for the future. It is technically not a valid reason to be so mad at him. Anyway sms'ed him and even attempted to call him but no replies. That only fueled my anger. So decided to just leave it.

Anyway as I was driving out for lunch, he called. And we settled it. Guess it was a rather emo conversation for me. Hate to talk about stuff that went down many years ago. Want bygones to be bygones. Just glad that I have a friend back and I could possibly be wrong about him. Still need time to heal though cos knee was kicked.

(d) I've been to Old Town Kopitiam in Taipan several times dy and have always wanted to try their half boiled eggs. Finally did today during lunch. Tried it and don't find it nice. Well, at least I tried.

(e) Today was a very siginificant meeting in 365. R and L shared about Strategy 3000. We've discussed this together about the various strategy on our own and tweaked it here and there. But I was touched today. I was already touched when I settled it with the so called person that kicked my knee. I was blessed that many were challenged. Blesssed that God is and is going to continue to do something awesome.

(f) I am excited about tomorrow night. Many of my good friends will be coming to watch Footstool Players at my church. I am happy to spend time with them. Happy to have them to come. Just happy to be with them.

(g) Went to popo's house for dinner. They were like "We cooked your favourite meatballs", "You want 'lo mai chi' or not? I buy for you at the morning market". Just felt blessed.

(h) Another good guy friend admitted to me last night that he needs help. He normally does not. And it made a difference that he had the guts to say it as it is.

It's been an eventful and full of emo day (in a good sense). I am like bubbling on the inside. Can't wait for tomorrow.

The Devil Wears Prada

While talking to Jess on the phone and doing what one does in the toilet, I was musing away about the show. Had just arrived home from watching "The Devil Wears Prada" at Summit. Before I proceed to the more serious life issues, let me say that Summit is truly dodgy. The management needs to consider doing something to give it a facelift. Pathetic!!!!

Anyway whilst watching the movie, I realised once again how I can be saying I have no choice when in actual fact I do. And how one chooses the path one walks and choose it wisely we must. I suppose the show did have its fair share of exaggeration. However embedded is the important lesson of whilst pursuing one's so called dream, one should never lose herself/ himself. Not to betray oneself and one's loved ones. Makes sense? No? Yes?

Guess we all don't know the end to our journey of life. Was just telling Jess how I value some of my friends that have been there for me through my darkest moments and how ironic that alot of the care and concern for me as a person (and not for what I do) comes from people out of church. Not of anyone's fault really. Guess alot of my best pals/ friendships were built during my growing up years and now 365 is so different from the old yf, in terms of who is around.

Wonder how the next few years will be? Que sera sera? Or perhaps I need to take hold of my life and make some important decisions?

Hmmmm....

Home Experience

PwC has this "Community Outreach Program" (COP) which is basically allowing their staff to help out at underprivileged kids homes for a week or two. This week I've been assigned to one of the homes.

Last year, I was also involved in this programme but a different home. I had a blast last year with the boys at the home.

Difference with the home this year as compared to the prior year is that this home has more kids. Actually 38 kids in total. I arrived there slightly before 9am each morning to prepare for the lessons and we begin sharp at 9am. My mornings are actually relatively ok compared to my afternoon class. In the first session in the morning, I teach 3 Std 3 kids - Samuel, Jennifer and Moses. On the first day, when I called Samuel his name, I felt like I was calling "Samuel Chummy" from church. At 11am, they get ready for school and I start teaching an 11 years old girl, Nisha and a 3 years old boy, Philip. Yes, 3 years old. First day, it was difficult to handle a restless 3 years old and an eager 11 years old. But yesterday was better.

After my lunch break, my headache starts. I have a class of 8 kids - Paul, Grace and Ruben are Std 1, Rina, Simon and Victor are in Std 2 and then there's Christina and Sarah in Std 3. Teaching them individually is not a tough job. Teaching them together at the same time is rather a challenge.

Guess the greatest challenge is helping them through their studies as they are all at different levels. And the saddest thing, it's difficult to give personal attention to them as there is only 3 of us teachers.

At the end of Monday, Tiffany (another PwC workmate) and I, separately went to purchase books and stationary for the kids.

I am not stupid. I know being there for a week won't bring much change but I am determined to do what I can.

Through this last 2 days, I'm reminded of how beautiful my childhood was. And when I think about how some of us can be so demanding of our parents, we forget that there are many kids out there who come from dysfunctional homes and are sent to these homes and have such a slim chance of a good future.

I see how the kids try so hard to get my attention. They gloat at every opportunity to outdo each other. They seem so demotivated to study cos they know they will never be the top students. Don't get me wrong. They're not stupid or anything of that sort. In fact some of them are rather brilliant but lacking in the resources, not to mention the love and care from parents.

Just the other day, mum was mentioning about a bunch of kids who were real rascals in church and denoted that the reason behind their misbehaviour is due to the absence of a father figure. So never underestimate the importance of having good role models around. Also never to have children when you are not financially capable. It just makes things worst. Causes more arguments, creates an unwholesome family environment.

Wow....I sound like I have experience. I'm not expert. But guess I've noticed a thing or two from the two homes I've been to.

So exhausted. Strange I think I rather do audit than teach so many kids at one time. Don't seem to be achieving the progress I want to with the kids.

Did my christmas list last night. It's gonna be Christmas soon. Cool!!!

Spare me your accusations!!!!!

Today was a busy day as usual. Awoke from slumber with aches all over (which is nothing new). And badly wanted to retreat back to sleep when I realised it was Sunday and I needed to be in church. Anyway made a phone call to confirm a breakfast appointment which I cancelled last night. Figured since I was up, I might as well brace myself for whatever it is that was supposed to be told to me.

Breakfast was ok. Guess for me, I went there with the mindset that whatever it is, I will say what I need to say and do my duty as a friend. Since yesterday, I've already known deep down inside me that the person is not wanting advice. Like some of us at some occasions, we normally have made up our mind about a particular matter. And we seek counsel only to gain confirmation or to have someone agree with us. However, if the counsel does not suit us, we will ignore. And I knew today when I went to listen to this person's dilemma, that deep down he is stubborn and has already made up his mind. So I was not surprised nor shocked. Just resigned. Like whatever la. I figured he already has like a billion relatives telling him what to do, why bother with me?

Well church was ok today. Was in a daze. Guess the whole day was just an overall "I want to go home and crash" feeling. The highlight or downside of the day was after I woke up from a short nap, still feeling rather snappy and mang, I was approached by someone online asking me whether I was mad at him.

From then, it went on to what felt like a never ending accusation of my being mad because of a situation that took place earlier which apparently would have upset me. I sat there the whole time looking at the msn screen and thought to myself, "Gosh, I never learn do I?" I shared my life openly to someone I considered a friend and here I am sitting listening to his bizarre reasonings of why what he did was not wrong (which I am not saying it is) and then I have sit thru a session of how I am mad and am being confronted about it and should not be upset. And how it was appropriate for a him to do what he did because gratitude, etc. I mean even IF (A REAL HUGE IF) I was upset, I don't see how talking to him was going to make things better. From the way he was handling the conversation, he sure was a pain in the butt.

One word. Sick.

Some people are sick. He did something to hurt me and he knew and knows it will. Later has the cheek to confront me and ask me whether I am upset. Any sane person will not entertain such an asshole.

For e.g. it's like you suffer a weak knee from a football accident many years back. Though you have recovered, the knee has always been weak and has never really recovered back to its normal state. Not due to the lack of effort put in cos you have exercised it, saw the docs, went for physiotheraphy, prayed over it, etc. And then you go about your every day life only attempting mild football, no serious tournament stuff and someone comes and kicks you right at the knee. Now if you don't call that mean, I don't know what you call it.

Guess in our so called very busy world and efforts to be someone someday, we can lack sensitivity. Today I was reminded of that. That sometimes we treasure the people that should not matter and neglect those that should be cared for, who have stood by us through it all. And because we want to appear cool or want to appear like we're it, we forget our roots.

To the person and many others who are like him.

Next time when someone hurts you bad and you want to kill yourself for it, don't expect me to stand by you. And worst I might even be best buds with the person cos I dunno, maybe the person has blessed me with a bar of chocolate =P

After blogging the above, I feel better. In the many years of growing up, I have found that the friends that are really true friends are those that I have made long time ago. I can only thank the person for one thing. It has reminded once again that I have friends who truly care about me and I didn't even think of the situation more than 5 minutes until you dared to confront me. You have no place in my heart to do such a thing so please confront the person that you're grateful to since you love confronting people and accusing people of getting angry irrationally. How silly!

Slight Dilemma

short hair with fringe?

longer hair but with no fringe?

short hair with fringe?

Hmmm....my sis just returned from London for good!!!! Can you believe it? A year has gone by and the girl is finally home.

Anyway, there is a cut hair session for her on Saturday. And here I am, stressed as usual, and facing the temptation to snip my hair off. The recent months that have passed, I have requested opinions from people, from my petbros to colleagues to friends. Petbros say "Don't cut. Long hair nicer". Then it slid down to to "Ok la...if you want to cut", which I know means a NO la. Then colleague said I look more like a woman with long hair. More feminine whilst my short hair makes me look too cute and like a kiddo. Totally unprofessional. The 2nd last time I was at the hairdresser, I asked the hairstylist to cut fringe for me and she refused. (Yes, my hairdresser has this tendency to refuse me. Sigh). And then solemnly said to me that I need to look older lest I attract younger men. I obliged.

So here I am sitting down typing and toying with the idea. Should I cut fringe or not? I dare not even ask whether I should cut my hair short? Please comment. And let's see what the people have to say. I have not made up my mind.

Is life as it should be?

Just came back from milkshake session with my good friend. As I was driving toward the cafe, I was half thinking what our conversation would be. Anyhow after ordering my banana milkshake (which is incidentally half of a favourite since I like chocolate banana shakes better), we just chatted and chatted.

Guess many things are presently "wrong" in our lives, especially in my friend's life. To summarise the many "wrongs" would be as follows :-
(a) Not being able to be together with the man she loves as he is of another race. Major mum objection from his side. Not hers. Total bummer cos hey, how often do we find someone we love and who loves us back, right?
(b) Being stuck in a job she completely dislikes and would rather do something more bazaar and entertaining for a living.
(c) Having to study for exams but nothing seems to be going in. (bet my youths can identify with this).

I'm sure there is more shit but I think this pretty much sums the significant ones.

Surprisingly, another friend of mine in the early evening messaged me about how angry he is with the day. Everything apparently went wrong. This "wrong" word seems to be creeping up too often. And how he feels like strangling someone and chewing someone's head off. Hahaahahaha.......hilarious really!!!! Ok .....ok....in his moment of anger, I shall contain myself. He was angry at everything really. Photostat shop, lunch food stunk, people, etc. I told him to take a warm shower then got a reply that there was no hot water. I was like "huh, mai ah ma".

And then just before I was to leave for yum cha, another friend messaged me saying that how it still hurts "breaking up". Not sure how one breaks up when one is supposedly not together unless one is lying. Hmmmm....Food for thought.

Then there is the ever faithful complainer of the "I hate my job". The complaints are daily and never vary. Boredom to the person listening to them. But this is only shows that my friend seriously needs to go job hunting before her own voice kills her =P

And we have not counted the so called "wrongs" in my life.

So here I am seated in front of the laptop, thinking ...... "God, are You there?". Tonight probably a billion girls are asking you why they cant be with the love of their lives or why they have not met the love of their lives? And probably some praying earnestly for breakthroughs in their finance or studies or work or some other area in their life?

I know deep down inside me that it could be a whole lot worst for people so I am not going to be stupid and ask whether things could be worse cos I know it can.

Today, I read Proverbs 16 which speaks about dependence on God and believing that He is truly sovereign. Also read about how God allows evil to happen (though it is not from Him) but He makes it work for our good at the end of day.

God, I trust You are sovereign. I bring my friends and myself before You. God, you know the heartaches. You know the secret hurts. The times when crying just doesnt help. The moments when releasing anger just doesn't do justice. Lord, I ask for Your favor, for Your divine intervention for breakthroughs in the different people in the different areas. I ask for Your protection over us. Pray that Your angels will watch over us. In Your precious name. Amen.

P/S: Love you lots.

Been wondering.....is life as it should be? Or is there more than this?

Music Taggy

The requirements:1. Put your music player on shuffle
2. Press forward for each question
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question (but it seems you can insert lyrics from the song if you want lah... in addition to the title...so if it's suitable, just go ahead lah)
4. NO CHEATING!!!

(1) How am I feeling today?
Best I ever had (by Vertical Horizon)

This is so not true. It has been filled with so much mixed feelings.

(2) Where will I get married?
Spice up your life (by Spice Girls)

Haahahaaa.....Guess it'll definitely be some place I will have a blast. Hey, after all I am getting married, right? So it's should be a super hyper day.

(3) What is my best friend's theme song?
Hero (by Mariah Carey)

Actually I have many best friends so this is truly difficult to answer. I think it's a superb song. And believe it should be in everyone's theme song list.

(4) What was high school like?
Hey Ya (by Outkast)

Hmmmm....No comments.

(5) What is the best thing about me?
Fallin' (by Alicia Keys)

Does this mean that no matter what shit is thrown my way, I keep on fallin' ie keep on loving. Hmmmm....scary.....

(6) How is today going to be?
I'll never break your heart (by Backstreet Boys)

So so true.....the song lyrics is about a guy who promises never to break the girl's heart. She has difficulty to love again cos she has been badly hurt before. My reason for being emo'ing.

(7) What is in store for this weekend? (Does this count since the weekend is almost up?)
Survivor (by Destiny's Child)

Well technically it is true. I was thinking how I was going to survive this weekend. There were some crucial decisions I had to make this weekend and was asking God for His wisdom to make them.

(8) What song describes my parents?
Searching My Soul (by Vonda Shepherd)

Well I think my parents are people who know their mind but I suppose in some ways, they have always been from time to time struggled to understand me hence searching my soul. Not so much theirs.

(9) How is my life going?
Don't Know Why (by Norah Jones)

Hmmmmm.....perhaps......

(10) What song will they play at my funeral?
When Will I See You Again (by Brother Beyond)

=) See you in heaven k. And no, you don't have to wait forever.

(11) How does the world see me?
Because of You (by Kelly Clarkson)

I perceived this song as one sung from a woman who tries to be strong despite circumstances in her life. I am not the strongest person (emotionally, physically and mentally) but I do try my best.

(12) What do my friends really think of me?
My Favourite Things (by Julie Andrews in Sound of Music)

I hope I am one of their favourite things.......or rather favourite friends. Paraphrasing the song, when they think of me, they won't feel so bad.

(13) Do people secretly lust after me?
The One (by Mariah Carey)

No comments.

(14) How can I make myself happy?
Sweet Home Alabama (by Counting Crows)

=)

(15) What should I do with my life?
Everytime I Close My Eyes (by Babyface)

To try again?

(16) Will I ever have children?
The Actor (by Michael Learns To Rock)

Doesnt make any sense.

(17) What is some good advice?
Somewhere Somehow (by Wet Wet Wet)

Perhaps.

(18) What do I think my current theme song is?
I Need A Girl (by P. Diddy featuring Usher & Loon)

Well, it seems I've been bugged about this quite often recently. Ok....ok....I will consider. The song talks about how he needs a girl to be his wife. Ironic that in 365, we were discussing about BGR. And how we should date with marriage in mind. Guess if there is potential husband material, there should be no reason for me to turn him down, right?

(19) What does everyone think of my current life?
Because Of You (by Kelly Clarkson)

Strange.....I am at a song that has already been heard. Same as Q(11). Hmmm......

(20) What type of style of men do I like?
One Love (by Blue)

Precisely.

(21) Will I get married?
Stuck (by Stacie Orico)

Hmmmm...2 ways of looking at this.....(1) I am stuck for an answer to that question, or (2) I am stuck as in stuck at this juncture of my life.

(22) What should I do with my love life?
All Out Of Love (Air Supply)

Don't tell me I need to tell him......

(23) Where will I live?
Did You Ever Love Somebody (by Jessica Simpson)

Please pray tell me that I will not continue to live in the past.

(24) What will my dying words be?
Always (by Atlantic Star)

Always love you.....

(25) When I'm having sex, I say....
Swear it again (by Westlife)

It speaks for itself....

I wanna know
Who ever told you I was letting go
Of the only joy that I have ever known
Girl, they're lying
Just look around
And all of the people that we used to know
Have just given up, they wanna let it go
But we're still trying
So you should know this love we share was never made to die
I'm glad we're on this one way street just you and I Just you and I

Chorus: I
'm never gonna say goodbye
Cos I never wanna see you cry
I swore to you my love would remain
And I swear it all over again and I
I'm never gonna treat you bad
Cos I never wanna see you sad
I swore to share your joy and your pain
And I swear it all over again
All over again

Some people say
That everything has got its place in time
Even the day must give way to the night
But I'm not buying
Cos in your eyes I see a love that burns eternally
And if you see how beautiful you are to me
You'll know I'm not lying
Sure there'll be times we wanna say goodbye
But even if we try
There are some things in this life won't be denied
Won't be denied

The more I know of you is the more I know I love you
And the more that I'm sure I want you forever and ever more
The more that you love me, the more that I know
Oh that I'm never gonna let you go
Gotta let you know that I

(26) When I meet a guy/ girl for the first time, I say....
Shape of My Heart (by Backstreet Boys)

Nope, totally out.

(27) When my parents are angry, I say....
Born to make you happy (by Britney Spears)

Hahahaha......although she didn't sing it in this context. Guess if we take it literally then ok la.

Well hope you had fun reading.

the anxiety is getting to me....

Have you ever felt afraid of making the wrong move? And when you finally decide to risk it and tell God that it's entirely up to Him, He actually grants you favor and opens the door? And when you're in the midst of being estatic.....you await for the plan to unfold, you realise that you're as scared as ever? And worried that your heart will be sorely disappointed? Then you tell yourself it's all going to be ok. But deep, deep down....you still worry.

God, I am worried. That is probably an understatement. Someone once mentioned (cant recall who though) that ever since that incident, I have not been able to receive love easily. Love of any form actually. Is that true? That I don't allow people to take care of me (or at least to a very large extent) because I fear I will be deemed weak or dependant on another or worst that I am vying for someone's attention.

But now this very minute. I commit everything into Your hands. God, You know the anxieties of my heart and You know my going in and going out. I ask for Your best. Help me trust in You. God, You are sovereign over all things. Including my life.

In Your Precious Name.

Amen.

Extraordinary Coincidences

I have always been a thoughtful person. As in I am constantly thinking about many matters. I was reading earlier and came across this statement. Found it profound of our lives on earth.

"When the dance of life confounds us and we're uncertain about the next step, we can pause and remember that the chereography of our existence is divine and purposeful."

God is sovereign over all things. He is sovereign over your life and mine.

Dedicated to my youths, may you always remember that your life is carefully thought of.

Jeremiah 29v11 says, " For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope".

Love you, God. Muaks.

Mudd's 51st Bday

Went to Las Caretas and celebrated Mudd's 51st Birthday. The actual day was yesterday but we went back to Popo's house to makan so tonight decided to do it together, just the 3 of us. So funny. When we arrived at the restaurant, the waiter asked us how many persons, dad actually said 4. I had to tell dad that Jo is still in the UK.

I wanted to eat my usual meal which is fish. Mind you, this is only my 2nd time in this place. I don't frequent this joint. Very expensive. And prefer Fridays anytime. Anyway, my parents insisted I need to eat ribs/ steak. Cos I NEVER eat those. Truth being told cos I hate it when it's not tender and it is difficult to swallow so never bothered to venture into it. So tonight was the first time I allowed someone else to order my own food. We're not couunting the times when I was little k.

Anyway, what can I say? My mum is simply a superwoman. She is one of the most capable persons I have ever met in my life. She's a real rock in this family. And thank God for her. Sometimes dad can be a real guy and it's nice to mum being sweet about stuff.

I am grateful mum survived cancer and is alive. You know....she only told Jo and me she was going to surgery the night before the surgery. We never suspected anything. She didn't want us to worry. And she didn't even allow us to be at the hospital during that time. She said she didn't want our routine to be disrupted. Mum is super sacrificial. Still remember when she was in the hospital, dad told us actually mum isn't upset about anything other than the fact that she wants to see us grow up , get married and have kids. Can I say that because of this I want to make sure I marry well?

I once dated a guy that my mum really didn't like and my life nearly ruined because of him. It brought so much pain to her, more than anyone else. Want to make her proud.

To all my youths....today you think you cant' stand the shit you're parents put you through. Trust me, nothing can replace family. Definitely not your friends. Treasure them while they're alive so when they're gone, you will not regret.

To my mummy, for all that you have done and are to me. Thanks for loving me. Hugs.

P/S: people say I look like my mum. Dad says I act like my mum. I say no comments =P

Runaway Bride

I have always viewed my relationship with Christ as one with her best friend. At times, it is as one with her father. Whenever I have to imagine myself with Him, it will always be me at the swing in the park, chattering/ crying my heart out.

The last few weeks have been very rough inside. And I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet. Of course, He continues to speak to me in many ways although I cannot always fathom His ways and thoughts.

A few days ago, I had the sense of hopelessness and wanting to walk away from the people and things that I have worked almost half my life for. When He gently told me this and as He is telling me again a few seconds ago when the same hopelessness swept over me.

I have always been fascinated with older couples who have been able to be loyal and faithful to each other. People who started right and have purposed in their hearts to end well together. And it is true that in the Bible, the church is said to be His Bride. And we as individuals as well.

He said to me that we're in this together. And though many emotions may run through me, we have committed to be in this together. I have committed to be in this. And for that, I should stay if not for anything else.

Strange isn't it? Love is a state many crave to be in and yet we often times forget that it entails many things, both the good and the bad. One of the things that crossed my mind is marriage. I must not compromise. Must not succumb to peer pressure (more like youth pressure). Must not lose focus on what needs to be done. Must not forget to trust Him. The One who holds all things in its place.

So for the first time in my life, I see myself as His Bride. That I took that step of faith and committed to this. And I should try very hard to honor my word. I can only hope and pray I can.

Stress Management

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked, "How heavy is this glass of water? " Answers called out ranged from 8oz. to 20oz. The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, 'll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance. In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on." "As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden. So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Relax; pick them up later after you've rested. Life is short. Enjoy it!"

This reminds you that even for super-achievers, you get more out of life when you learn to balance it. So as you are gearing up for your achievements for this Fall season, never forget to step back, take a deep breath and relax a bit. Leave the stress behind, and the next day you will move even further ahead because you have conquered stress, rather than letting it conquer you.....

Strange isn't it how the simple things in life can seem so profound at the moments you need to hear it most. Guess I need to read this but will I be able to achieve that balance in life is a whole different story.

Yoyo's graduation

PREVIEW OF THE GRAD

Before: Josh & me

The Pillar

Benefits of Food Grabbing

With the man of the day

Arrived home at 6 pm. I told myself that I needed to start getting ready by 6:45pm. Put on my contacts and started tearing drastically. Inside me, I feared I had to wear my specs with my dress. Technically there is nothing wrong but wanted to go without specs ma. Anyway, so left the inserting of eyeballs mission aside and went to take a shower. While showering, the following thoughts went through my medium sized brain :-
(a) Should I tie my hair into half if I wore specs or should I wear my beaded hairclips? Or leave the hair alone?
(b) Should I change my decided dress to something else?
(c) Should I eat panadol as I was having a headache?
(d) If I chose to wear the dress, should I wear the sweater or use a shawl? Or would that be overdoing it?
(e) Wonder why I could not wear the contact lenses without tearing. Hmmmm....
(f) Which pair of shoes should I use?
(g) Whether I would be zonked out today at work after last night's excitement?

After the shower and brain exercise, I changed to the original decided dress and then attempted to wear my contact lenses. I was tearing again but decided to tough it out and let myself cry cos of the sting in my eyes. Damn it, my brother was graduating, heck it if I have to tear for almost 20 minutes with the sting!

Finally I was ready to go after sobbing for awhile. Went down to the kitchen and my dad took one look at me and asked me why I was crying. Told him why and he rolled his eyes and glared at me. I said this is important. I had to do it. He said I should just wear my specs. Obviously I didn't listen.

Anyways, I went to pick Josh and we talked about numerous stuff in the car. With Joshy, my life will never be in boredom.

We saw Yoyo and hugged him then Joshy went all out for THE MISSION - THE FOOD GRABBING MISSION. If not for the fact that I knew with much certainty that I would never see any of these people again, I would have never ever sinked to that level of food grabbing. Josh held my hand and led me through the swamp of people, tall people. Could barely breathe. I was thinking, if someone farts, that's it, I will die. There. In the midst of people and no one would know. We got to the first food table we saw and Joshy grabbed two plates and I took one. He gave instructions to fill up the plates. We had to feed our entire family (excluding Yoyo) and Meng Hong. I was ok....ok....need to concentrate. When we filled the plates, we had another task of getting away from the crowd and finding a safe spot to stand to eat. Joshy found a corner and we used the sides of the pillar as our table. When we reached the other end of the hall, we realised that there more food tables there and not many were there. People were just crowding around the first food table. Idiots!!!! We're idiots!!! Lesson to learn.....the first thing/ person you see/ meet is not necessary the only one so exploration might be good.

By the time Kenneth, Min Ser and Meng Hong reached Joshy and mua, they were astonished at the food we collected. Kenneth is used to Joshy's ways but Min Ser looked amused. We were just chatting when Yoyo finally came and we took the official family pics and individual pics. It was truly great. I was thrilled.

Many wonder why I am so estatic. I've been friends with Yoyo since he was in school. That is a good 8 years, more or less. Imagine the amount of chocolate and shit we have been through together as friends. Guess the last few days I've been reminded (happily, mind you) of the chocolates and shits my brothers and I have been through together as family and individually.

Anyway, I went home completely zonked out but completely happy.

Random Thoughts of My Day

About a trillion tiny thoughts went through my mind throughout the day. I am sitting here with my heart beating so fast. Why? Am I in LOVE? Actually no. Is there something wrong? No. But I am excited. Tomorrow night Yoyo is graduating. I mean, it's a really a WOW. Been thru shit with the boy. Shucks....Did I use the word SHIT again? The other day I was telling Kenneth that the head of 365 uses the word SHIT alot and should cut down. I will...eventually when I find another word to replace the expression =P

Anyway, today has been a busy brain day. Work was actually ok. Basically the whole busy clearing my inbox whilst trying to think of what to buy for Yoyo. Anyway, Ali, Bel and myself went to One Utama for lunch cos I needed to scout for Yoyo's grad present. I thought long and hard and finally decided that this was something I would want him to have. I pray he likes it or at least pretends to like it. Was half afraid I would get skinned by Kenneth but figured I would risk it anyway. It also crossed my mind that this family might just die without me. For a brief moment, I was abit bitter why am I always the one running around organising everything, making sure everything is in tact? Not only with the family but practically everywhere? But with regards to the family, I figured I am the only girl so it only seemed appropriate. The rest, chose not to think lest more issues emerge.

Then there was the issue of what to wear for the graduation. The boys were wearing red and anyone who knows me knows I don't wear red. Was thinking of black but my friend said some people pantang and I don't have any intention of making any aunties mad. Thought of going completely black and get a red choker to spice it up but that went out the window. Then thought of wearing a lacey green top and jeans but striked out by mum. Called Kenneth to confirm the colour his wearing and was informed he's wearing blue. I was estatic. Finally another colour to choose my clothes from. Frantically went through my wardrobe again and realised I have no proper blue stuff. So felt like saying the current favourite word.

Then called Joshy for inspiration. We basically yakked about miscellaneous topics such as should I date a guy whom I cannot kiss or do I write him off immediately, how do we tell people with BO or bad breath that they have BO or bad breath? What we would name our kids, how I cannot date a guy that is too tall nor a short ah moh guy, and how a particular someone we know talks too much =P, whether we should eat dinner or not before Yoyo's grad since we only need to be there around 8 plus. Decided must eat lest die of starvation.

Also thinking I need to lose weight. Though half my problem is not FAT but swollen body =(

How I am thinking whether I will look ok cos everything I wear these days doesn't seem ok. Also how I need crepe paper to wrap some presents but have yet to locate any. Even MPH in Pyramid doesn't have it. Should I raise this as a problem to MPH worldwide? God, sometimes I think I was right all along to think Subang Parade is the best place to shop for essentials.

I also think I need more time. The budget came out on Friday and I haven't got a chance to seriously sit down and scrutinise the damn thing! And I am suppose to be in this line, if you get my drift.

Oh, and Actors Studio is coming out with this new jokes session with people such as Joanne Kam, Harith Iskandar, etc in mid Oct and was so tempted to ask my usuals whether to go but decided I should just hold on and watch the cash outflow.

Then there was the whole sms conversation about a potential holiday at this much heard of lake in a small town but alas, that has its own barriers.

Shoot me, I think I'm going insane soon.

Well at this juncture, I've figured out what to wear. Now I shall attempt to read abit of the bible and then the Budget 2007 then shall retreat to slumber. Hopefully tomorrow will be an easier day for my mind.

Just for fun ...to unwind....

1. What is your full name?
Grace Eu Swee Leng

2. What colour trousers/skirt are you wearing?
Erm....actually not wearing any. Have a towel wrapped round me =P About to shower.

3. What are you listening to right now?
Just the sound of my fan and my fingers typing this entry.

4. What was the last thing you ate?
Creme Brulee at Equitorial Hotel.

5. Do you wish on stars? No.

6. If you were a crayon what colour would you be?
Pink?

7. How is the weather right now?
Room windows are closed so have no clue really.

8. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Yoyo.

9. Do you like the person who sent this to you?
Well technically no one sent me this so not applicable.

10. How old are you today?
I'm 24 years old. Will be 25 years old on Nov 3rd =P

11. Favourite drink?
Chocolate Banana Milkshake. Oh, coconut milkshake as well. Truly exotic *-)

12. Favourite sport?
In my mind, it would be futsal and swimming.

13. Hair colour?
Dark brown with red highlights.

14. Siblings?
A younger but bigger and taller sister.

15. Favourite food?
Assorted stuff.

16. What was the last movie you watched?
She's the Man.

17. What was your favourite toy as a child?
Sophie and she sleeps beside me every night.

18. Summer or winter?
Summer!!!!

19. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs.

20. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Chocolate.

21. Do you want your friends to tag you back?
No.

22. Who is most likely to respond?
Don't really care actually.

23. Is there someone in your life that you really miss now?
I miss someone whom I cannot miss.

24. When was the last time you cried?
Yesterday, I think. Or was it the day before? Definitely last week la cos I watched the new Hindi movie.

25. What is under your bed?
Maybe dust.

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest?
Euying (Std 1 best friend till now). Li Ann (Form 1 best friend till now). Euying and I will celebrate 19 years of friendship whilst Li Ann and I will celebrate 12 years of friendship in Dec.

27. What did you do last night?
Went out dinner with family and a couple from church to celebrate mum's birthday.

28. Favourite smell?
Smell of the sea. If perfume, then "Pleasures" from Estee Lauder, "Happy Heart" from Clinique and "Ralph" from Ralph Lauren.

29. Favourite TV show?
CSI.

30. What are you afraid of?
Alot of things actually.

31. Plain, buttered, sugar or salted popcorn?
Don't like popcorn.

32. Favourite car?
BMW. Honda Civic. Peugeot 206.

33. Favourite Flower?
White lilies and sunflowers.

34. Number of keys on your key ring?
Car key then only one lor. House keys, then there is 3.

35. How many years at your current job?
Well technically I have always done audit so altogether 3 years. 1 year in Deloitte and 2 years in PwC.

36. Favourite day of the week?
Don't have a favourite day but probably either Sat or Sun.

37. What did you do on your last birthday?
Had a week long of birthday celebration. Took almost the whole week off and was blessed to have friends celebrate it with me. Practically every meal of the day was booked up with different groups of friends.

38. How many cities have you lived in?
Only PJ.

39. Do you make friends easily?
Depends on my mood.

40. How many people will you be tagging this to?
None.

Ok, got to hit the showers dy.

Do we look alike?

Taken at Bkt Tinggi.

Imagine falling in love with your best friend

I find it rather ironic that Su Ann would have this question in her latest entry. I was just thinking the same thing. Why was I thinking the same thing? Look, if I knew the reasons to everything that run through my head, I would be mentally dead by now. Already trying to figure the answers out to the current issues makes my brain pretty tired, imagine having to figure out the whys behind them as well.

Anyway, back to the question. Su Ann posted some pros and cons. But I think I'm more pro than con. Of course, we're all a little afraid that things would never go back to normality should one have dated their best friend and things not work out....but I sincerely believe that it may take time, but at the end of the day, whether the friendship can still last really is up to the 2 persons involved. Sometimes we hold back so much and not risk anything. It just doesnt make sense to me actually. I suppose if 2 persons are truly friends (as they claim to be), they would be able to discuss these things together. I mean isn't honesty really one of the key fundamentals in any solid friendship? It doesn't take 2 parties to like each other to cause a confusion in the friendship. What if one party has a thought that it might work? I think that is enough torture to the friendship and will definitely have some form of effects.

To me, the sticky situation arises is when the girl has the feelings but has no clue whether the guy has any at all. Ironic enough, this month's CLEO mag has an article about this and how does one test whether he has any interest in pursuing more than what the 2 already share. Didn't read the whole article. Was busy looking at pictures of clothes =P Amazing how this topic is so hot at the moment.

Back to the original sticky situation. I believe I am rather conservative when it comes to the whole guy girl thing. I don't believe in equal rights. I believe men were created to be and do certain things in life as that for women. So in the sense of a relationship, I always believe the guy should make the first move. So for women like me, erm....having feelings for your best friend isn't the most pleasant of life's experiences. Hmmmm.....in such a scenario, I would just discard any thought or feeling or any anything of that sort to imply such a thing away. I won't even entertain it. Cos there will be no happy end to it. Best to leave it till when the guy says something. And if he never does, at least I would have wasted my time waiting for someone who never appreciated me that way. And if he does, best to test him too cos God knows why he suddenly woke up one day having feelings for you, right?

There was another negative point about familiarity breeds contempt. Well, guess this is a sooner or later thing so better face it now than later. About the boring bit.....hahaha....well I suppose the reason why 2 persons can still maintain such a great friendship would signify they do have stuff to babble about so I am not worried a bit. Life is a never ending chat topic.

So what do you think? Ever fell in love with your best friend? Ever confessed to your best friend before and lived to regret it or actually felt relieved cos you finally had the guts to do it and had certainty? Tell me. I am curious.