Simple & Real Friends

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.
A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.
A simple friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.
A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
A real friend could blackmail you with it.
A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.
A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
A real friend expects to always be there for you!

A possible conspiracy ....

Was just chatting with my sis on whether my life could possibly be a conspiracy against me? I cannot help but feel like there will always be something more required of me. If I excel in my career, and 365 is ok, my love life fails. If my love life goes great, parents randomly think I should fish more. If I pour alot of my time in 365, something else might give. At some point in time in the last few years, I did manage to balance it all. At least I perceived it as I did. Then there are friends. Friends who matter to me that I would love to see more of but tell me, I have only 24 hours a day. Already lack of sleep. Already feel like my back is breaking. Already been told that I have a swollen body and need to watch it. Already been advised to get another scan. I'm thinking to myself, "God, are You testing me? But why, Lord? Why test me?". There are many others who are more "it". Again, at least this is how I perceive them to be. I see other leaders in my youth group who are more "popular" and others who seem to be more effective. I do ask myself....am I meant to be here? Is it worth it? Actually I am asking this question over just about every aspect of my life. Nope, I haven't got a clue to the answer. In my experience, in the absence of a concrete answer while waiting, I just need to continue to be faithful with what it given to me to do and hang in there. So every day, every single day, every hour and every minute, despite trying to appear normal, my heart feels like it's being beaten. I am only wishing that it'll soon be over. But that is normally not the case. And sometimes having it over might not be ideal....cos it is said that it is not the destination that counts, but the journey, right? I know I am rambling a lot today. Tears are streaming down my eyes as I am typing this blog.

Look, I get it that I don't have a bad life. I get it. Truly do. I also understand that there are others who have it worst. I am not benchmarking my life against them. Not to anyone who has it better nor with anyone who has it worst. I am benchmarking myself against my own expectations of where and what and who I should be at this juncture of my life. I feel like I have failed in my own eyes. Or am going to fail. Or maybe fail is such a hard word. Maybe fall short.

I was thinking earlier on. How one of my friends told me that I am a good friend and understanding, the usual drill, etc. I just felt sadness wash over me. Realise that though I have friends for many occasions and some pretty deep friendships, at this moment, I am alone to face the storm (other than God la). And there has never been one person who can read me.

Perhaps this blod entry is reflective of what I am feeling now. Maybe tomorrow will be different. At least I am hoping it'll be. Going to sleep my anxiety and frustration away now.

Is there co-relation between acknowledgement and neglect?

Read the comment by anonymous in Meng Hong's blog. It is as follows:-

its strange how sometimes we only appreciate and acknowledge certain ppl in our lives, yet neglecting others who also care for us..

I was quite taken aback when I read the comment above. It is obvious that anonymous cares for Meng Hong and possibly has a tinge of jealousy there. I could be wrong. Or how else would that person come to the conclusion that by acknowledging one is a direct indication of neglect for another?

Anyway, it did get me thinking. Do I feel that way at times? Do I feel that when a good friend of mine acknowledges someone else, do I feel neglected? Guess to be truthful, yes, I would to. But I would also question myself. I mean there have been times when I have cared for certain people like perhaps 80% (just for example sake) but the other party only cares for me perhaps 10%. Sometimes we perceive the level of our friendships are mutual but often times they are not. It happens. And sometimes we don't realise that we care for a particular someone till we lose them. Or sometimes we don't realise the people we consider as friends are not quite who we thought they were. I mean there are many scenarios that can take place.

However, I won't conclude so easily that the acknowledgement of one friend is the neglect of another unless perhaps the two parties involved are enemies or not good terms. What do you think?

Dedicated to my brothers

The formal family pics.....from when we first decided we needed to take pics....back to when Mince Beef was in Aussie and came back for hols only till now.

Our carefree years

Chilling @ my place

Mince Beef's Bday

My 24th Birthday

Church's 25th Anniversary

@ Honey Bee

Hot as usual =P

The family originated when one by one these boys called me "tai kah che". Well, decided to merge and tada, behold the family. Strangely enough no one ever believes in platonic relationships but we seem to hit it off pretty well. And we have the whackiest time together really.

Min Ser, the engineer attached with Petronas Malaysia is a our Mr.Perfect. Perfect in that he is superbly talented and brilliant. Possibly the smartest of us all in terms of brainy cells. His greatest trait is possibly his willingness to serve others. The gentleman at all times.

Kah Mun (better known as Kenneth to others) is a medical student. At this very minute, he's probably talking to some mentally ill patient as he is doing his training at the physiatric ward. He owes me a swimming pool if not a river in some foreign land, if he chooses to do missions. I talk the most serious of stuff with him as by nature he is rather serious. He is also my vice in 365 so we have a lot in common. His greatest trait in my opinion is his trustworthiness. Totally dependable and reliable at all times.

Meng Yoe, whom I nic Yoyo, is the closest to me, by geographical sense as well since he lives like 5 minutes away from me. He has always been the guardian angel of my well being. For many years, he has called me literally every day checking on me. He is my chaffeur when I am either carless or in no mood to drive. My food buyer when I am either lazy or sick. My companion in clinics when I am looking like shit and about to consider writing my will. My "Thelma" when I am in need of a listening ear. My censorship board in terms of guys to date or not to date. My saviour when I can't say no to a guy that I don't want to go out with. His greatest trait is being himself. Sweet and obnoxious at the same time.

Joshua, or known to me as Joshy, is one of the most interesting persons you can ever meet on planet earth. He is our source of joy and laughter whenever we go out. He is the youngest of us all. He is the only brother who hugs me EVERY week when I see him in church. Love him for always giving me hugs cos it makes me feel loved. His greatest trait is his ability to be happy and talk endlessly about almost anything and everything.

As a family and as inidividual friends to each other, we have been through a lot of ups and downs. Some petty stuff. Some major crises. But I am always grateful for them in my life. Without them, I would say my life would be incomplete. To have known them and to have them part of my life has been and continues to be a blessing.

The uncertainty of life continues...

I received confirmation at 2:36 am on Sat that Xyratex is no longer required to perform the S404 audit on the 2005 financial year as the US Registrant came out with this new ruling that certain entities were exempted. Hmmmm.....to say that the ups and downs of this pending assignment has truly been a living torture for me. You know how I hate the uncertainty in such matters. Makes planning for anything a tough task.

Anyway, I had a choice this morning to either tell Kak Nita (my administrator) that I am no longer required to do Xyratex or start sourcing for assignments. Guess which option I chose? You're right. Anyway, I didn't want to do any ordinary audit. Craving for some new challenge. Thank God for nice managers. The first manager I approached decided to let me do something which I have no experience in. Possibly a good learning experience. And the other blessing in disguise, I can possibly to it with a good friend of mine, Kah Leng. Sweet, isn't he?

Looking forward to a relaxing week. Had a blast yesterday. Church was as usual in the morning. Had breakie with my team member, Jess. Hilarious really? Cos she was asking hypothetical questions e.g. if i were married, a mum of 2 kids, one in secondary school, the other in primary, and a housewife, what would i do? Would I clean the house every day? Or what? Amusing, really. Cos I think I can actually be a houswife but have yet to find a single friend of mine to agree with me. ALL have said a definite NO. Goodness, why can't people believe that I can be anything I choose to be?

And then there was church. Was inspired by the sermon. Like my life really is full of shit sometimes. I run about doing a lot of stuff. It truly depicts this stage of my life which I can only term as "empty". Strange really if you think about it. I spend a lot of time on my youth group and work. And yet I feel nothing. Of course, I am not discarding the fact that this empty feeling comes and goes at times. So what am I doing about it? Well, like in any state of lost and confusion, I just do what needs to be done whilst waiting for a breakthrough.

Had lunch with Minnie Sue, Su-Lyn and Jade. We practically drove round the Sunway commercial area 4 times looking for parking before we decided we will go to Medan for lunch. On our way to Medan, we thought it'll be better to eat at A&W, which was below standard from the time I was a kid. Then went back to snooze away =P

Later went to the Curve with Kah Leng. Had a blast sweating my pores away at the bazaar. Not sure why but I really like the bazaar but can't stand the parking.

Well, need to get back to work. Will blog again if some random interesting thought crosses my mind. Till then....

Jean Grey - my favourite superheroin

Origin
Jean Grey is born to Dr. John Grey and Elaine Grey. She has an older sister named Sara Grey, and they live in Annandale-on-Hudson, New York, where Dr. Grey works as a history professor at Bard College. Her father, mother, and sister are all humans but Jean is a mutant. Jean's powers first manifest at the age of ten, prematurely triggered when her best friend is hit by a car. As her friend lies dying, Jean instinctively links to her mind and the trauma of experiencing her friend's death nearly kills Jean as well, but instead leaves her in a coma.
Jean's parents seek the expertise of specialists to rouse her out of her catatonic state but only Professor Charles Xavier is able to help. Xavier realizes that Jean's young mind cannot yet cope with her abilities, so he telepathically blocks her access to them, allowing her powers to evolve at a more natural pace. Jean develops her telekinetic powers at the age of 13. As a teenager, Jean leaves her parents to attend Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters and, using the codename "Marvel Girl", becomes the first female X-Man.

Romance
Jean and Scott have a mutual crush, but neither is aware of the other's feelings and both are too shy to make a move. Jean once has a date with Angel, but insists on taking Scott along, which confuses and frustrates both men. When Jean leaves to pursue tertiary education at Metro College, it further widens the gap between Scott and Jean; however, Jean and Scott later admit they are in love with each other and date openly. Professor X seems to have some romantic feelings for Jean Grey in the beginning of the X-Men series, in the same issue Scott is first shown to have feelings for her. However, he believes that she could not care for him because he is a paraplegic. This storyline is soon abandoned, in favour of the one involving Jean and Scott.
Jean is also drawn to Logan, who falls in love with her. Most of the time Logan respects Jean's relationship, and the two share a deep friendship which, despite emotional and physical attraction, doesn't affect her feelings toward her husband. In Grant Morrison's New X-Men stories, Jean increasingly talks to Logan about her marital problems, and Logan tries to help the married couple reconcile, even convincing Jean to return to Scott when Scott has an affair with Emma Frost.

Phoenix
After Xavier recruits a new team of X-Men to help save the others from Krakoa, most senior members leave, including Jean. Scott feels that he belongs with the X-Men, and this upsets Jean. She remains in contact with the X-Men and becomes good friends with Ororo Munroe (Storm).
While Jean and Scott are having a romantic evening in Manhattan, they, Wolverine, and Banshee, are abducted by Sentinels. They are taken to an abandoned S.H.I.E.L.D. orbital platform under the command of the anti-mutant activist Steven Lang, who is plotting to unleash a new generation of Sentinels. The other X-Men rescue them. During the space station's destruction, the X-Men find that their shuttle has been damaged in an earlier fight with the Sentinels. The X-Men decide that someone must stay at the controls and pilot the ship, while everyone else remains in the shuttle's heavily-shielded life cell. Knowing no one else could survive long enough to pilot the shuttle to safety, Jean uses her telepathy to learn how to pilot the shuttle and her telekinesis to block the radiation as she pilots the ship back to Earth. Her telekinetic shields give way under the onslaught of the intense radiation. The strain of holding the solar radiation at bay with her powers destroys the psychic shields Xavier placed in her mind as a child. The shuttle crashes into a bay, and Jean emerges from the water, imbued with cosmic powers.
As Phoenix, Jean's psi-powers become stronger, and she manifests a fiery bird-shaped energy aura whenever she used her powers to their fullest extent.
In the "Dark Phoenix Saga", Mastermind tampers with Jean's mind, and she loses control of her powers and becomes the Dark Phoenix, attacking her friends and teammates and destroying a populated solar system's star. Jean regains her sanity long enough to commit suicide rather than risk becoming the Dark Phoenix again and killing anyone else.
In the original plot, Jean Grey survives, but editorial concerns led to a re-write of the ending of Uncanny X-Men issue #137. The original ending, as well as an explanation for the changes, was published in the one-shot Phoenix: The Untold Story. In the original ending, instead of turning into Phoenix again during the X-Men's battle with the Shi'ar Imperial Guard, Jean is overpowered and captured. Lilandra has Jean subjected to what amounts to a psychic lobotomy, leaving Jean without any of her telepathic or telekinetic powers. In the end, Jean is allowed to return to Earth with the rest of the X-Men, "cured" of the power and madness of Dark Phoenix. The one-shot also reveals the original splash page drawn for Uncanny X-Men #138, which shows Jean and Scott in a happier time, contrasted with the splash page actually published in issue #138 that shows Jean's funeral.
John Byrne, penciller on Uncanny X-Men, had strong feelings against how powerful Phoenix had become and worked with writer Chris Claremont to effectively remove Phoenix from the storyline, initially by removing her powers; however, Byrne's decision to have Dark Phoenix destroy an inhabited solar system in Uncanny X-Men #135 caused some consternation with the editors, who felt that since Jean had now become a mass murderer on a global scale, her "punishment" at the end of issue #137 was too light. As a result, the last chapter of issue #137 was completely rewritten with Phoenix's powers returning and escalating out of control, forcing her to end her own life rather than risk destroying any more worlds.

Return

The Avengers find a strange pod lying on the bottom of a bay, which they send to Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four. The pod cracks open and Jean emerges. Jean has no memories from the time she flew the shuttle until she hatched from the cocoon. Due to the Richards' technology, Jean is now without her telepathy, but her telekinesis is much more powerful. The former X-Men are contacted and she reunites with them.
During the time in which Jean is thought dead, Scott met a pilot named Madelyne Pryor. They marry and produce a son, Nathan Christopher Charles Summers. When Scott hears Jean is alive, he leaves Pryor. Shortly afterward, he joins Jean and the other founding X-Men to create X-Factor. He calls Madelyne to try to persuade her to come to New York. When he receives no answer, he assumes that his wife had left him. In truth, Mr. Sinister kidnapped Madelyne and Nathan. Mr. Sinister had created Madelyne from Jean Grey's DNA, believing the offspring of Jean Grey and Scott Summers would be a genetically superior mutant who possessed incredible powers.

Jean Grey versus her clone Madelyne Pryor. Art by Walter Simonson.
With her purpose fulfilled, Sinister turns Madelyne over to the Marauders. The X-Men rescue her and she joins them. Wanting to rescue her son from Mr. Sinister, Madelyne makes a pact with demons, and using her despair, the goblins make her their queen, driving her insane. Madelyne attempts to sacrifice Nathan in a ritual that will bring the demons of Limbo into the world. Madelyne dies in a climactic battle with Jean after she links their minds and wills herself to die -- hoping the link will kill Jean as well. It does not work, and Jean gains all the memories of both Madelyne and the Dark Phoenix.
Jean becomes a member of the X-Men's "Gold Team" led by Storm when X-Factor joins with Xavier. Jean is instrumental in saving Wolverine's life when Magneto rips the adamantium from his skeleton.Using her telekinesis, Jean holds Logan's body together and supports his healing factor. When her physical body dies in a Sentinel attack, Jean survives by transferring her psyche into the body of the comatose Emma Frost. While in Emma's body, Jean uses telekinesis, an ability that Emma never used. Jean is later restored to her original body with the help of Xavier and Forge.

Marriage
Jean proposes to Scott and they marry. During their honeymoon, they are taken into the future to raise Scott's son Nathan. After returning, Jeans resumes using the name Phoenix as an attempt to redeem both the entity and herself and to honour her time-traveling future daughter Rachel, who had been announced dead. During a battle with Apocalypse, Scott merges with the villain. Jean and Psylocke switch powers, and Jean adds Psylocke's telepathic powers to her own telepathy, as well as her shadow-teleporting, while Psylocke gets Jean's telekinesis. Jean begins to manifest fiery raptor effects as the physical manifestation of her powers. Jean learns that Cyclops is alive, and searches for him with her step-son Cable (Nathan). Jean uses her increased telepathic powers to separate Cyclops' and Apocalypse's spirits. Having her husband back helps Jean accept her role as host of the Phoenix Force and the telekinetic powers it recreates for her.

Jean walks in on Scott and Emma in bed. Art by Phil Jimenez.
A combination of Jean's duties as headmistress of the Xavier Institute, her re-emerging Phoenix powers, and Scott's temporary merger with Apocalypse drives a wedge between the couple. Jean attempts to rebuild the relationship, but Scott remains distant, refusing to sleep with her. Scott turns to Emma Frost, who takes advantage of Scott's emotional problems, which leads to a telepathic extra-marital affair. When confronted by Jean, Scott claims that they shared "only thoughts" and that he had done nothing wrong; Jean, however, disagrees and demands that Emma explain herself, but Emma only jeers and insults her. Enraged, Jean unleashes the Phoenix power on Emma, rifling through her memories and forcing her to confront the truth about herself.
Later, Wolverine and Phoenix are propelled towards the sun while on Asteroid M. About to die, Wolverine reluctantly stabs Phoenix so she will not have to die an agonizing death in the intense solar heat. Seconds before they collide with the sun, the Phoenix Force manifests within Jean, and she saves them both. She tells him that by killing her, he helped her release the "Phoenix Consciousness." Arriving on Earth, they encounter an imposter of Magneto who mortally injures Phoenix by transferring a large amount of electro-magnetic energy to her brain, inducing a "planetary-scale stroke." As Jean dies in Scott's arms, she tells him to live.

Here Comes Tomorrow
Scott Summers refusal of Emma Frost's offer to re-open Xavier's Institute creates a future timeline in which Hank McCoy re-opens the school. Under the pressure, he takes the drug "Kick", which is revealed to be the aerosol form of the villain Sublime, who possesses Hank McCoy and drives him insane. 150 years later, the near-immortal Beast tries to resurrect Phoenix and use her to destroy every lifeform on Earth, except for the creatures created by Sublime itself, only to be defeated by Jean. Phoenix then carries out her disinfection and absorbs the future universe into the "White Hot Room", a higher plane of reality with other Phoenix hosts. She wears a white variation of her Dark Phoenix outfit and is revealed to be the "White Phoenix of the Crown", the most complete state a Phoenix avatar can achieve. Jean reaches back in time and tells Scott to live. Instead of refusing Emma and leaving the institute, Scott chooses to be with Emma and keep the Xavier Institute alive.

Endsong
In the 2005 X-Men: Phoenix - Endsong limited series, the Shi'ar resurrect the Phoenix Force prematurely in hopes of destroying it while it is relatively weak. The Shi'ar reference Jean Grey as the Phoenix's Heart and hope to be rid of the Phoenix for good. The Phoenix manages to escape and flee to Earth where it needs a host to sustain itself. The entity resurrects Jean and bonds with her once more. Jean knows she should not be alive and that her resurrection is terribly wrong.
The Phoenix Force is mentally unbalanced from being brought out prematurely. Jean has a confrontation with Wolverine before the Shi'ar shoot a miniature black hole at the two, trying to dismiss the Phoenix forever. The Phoenix Force teleports Jean and Wolverine to the North Pole where Jean has regained some control over the Phoenix Force. She has Wolverine stab her several times, leaving the Phoenix Force weakened. Wolverine asks her whether she is Jean or the Phoenix, Jean responds "I am always Jean and always the Phoenix." Jean then plunges herself through the ice, freezing instantly.
The X-Men arrive at the North Pole in the Blackbird, where Wolverine tells them that "Jean is dead. Or as close as she can get." The Phoenix Force manifests independent of Jean's body and tries to seduce Cyclops into firing his optic blasts at it, to feed off of the raw solar energy. Cyclops is able to resist the Phoenix's seductions with the help of Emma Frost. Emma convinces the Phoenix Force to possess her to get Cyclops' optic blasts. Consumed by the Phoenix Force, Emma loses control and Cyclops is forced to free Jean from her icy entombment with an optic blast.
The revived Jean telepathically assaults the Phoenix Force and rips it from Emma. Jean confronts the Phoenix Force and the Force recognizes that Jean and the Phoenix are one and the same. The Phoenix exclaims "Jean! How are you doing this without me without my power?" Jean says "I am you don't you remember?" Phoenix says "Beacause you and I are one" The Force consumes Jean and the Phoenix begins to "burn away all that doesn't work ... kill them all." With the help of Cerebro, Emma and the Stepford Cuckoos contact all of the X-Men around the world to focus their love into Jean. Jean's costume turns white as she tearfully exclaims "my friends." As White Phoenix, she saves the team from a black hole event horizon created by the exploding Shi’ar ship. Before returning to the White Hot Room, Scott tells her to remember who she is. She asks Scott to remove his visor because she wants to see his eyes. Enveloped in his optic blast, she departs, giving Scott one last goodbye.

Endsong

At the conclusion of Endsong, one of the Stepford Cuckoos (Emma Frost's telepathic students) is shown to be in communion with a small "firefly" of the Phoenix Force. Recently it was announced that this cliffhanger will be addressed in the sequel: X-Men : Phoenix - Warsong. Available in September 2006, Greg Pak is returning as writer. He has said that Warsong "is not another Jean Grey resurrection story. It's an essential Phoenix story, and therefore ultimately an essential tale for understanding Jean Grey." Pak also stated that Warsong will lay the groundwork for the future of both Jean and the Phoenix.

Power and Abilities

Jean Grey is an Omega-level mutant,and one of the most powerful mutants in the universe, and the physical embodiment of the vastly powerful Phoenix Force. Jean Grey's dual psionic potential gives her nearly limitless mutant telepathy and telekinesis.
Phoenix is considered to be one of the Earth's most powerful telepathic minds, rivalling Professor X. Jean's telepathy allows her to communicate with others telepathically, read the thoughts of others, influence decisions, control minds, manipulate memories, cast her mind into the astral plane, or fire stunning "mental bolts" capable of knocking out or turning someone brain-dead. Jean is one of the few telepaths skilled enough to communicate with animals (animals with high intelligence, such as dolphins[20],dogs[21], and ravens[22]). She also has telekinesis of an unparalleled level, capable of grasping objects in Earth orbit and manipulating hundreds of components in mid-air in complex patterns. She can use her telekinesis to levitate objects, other people, or herself and project a telekinetic shield capable of withstanding missile blasts. She can also release devastating force blasts.
When Jean absorbs Psylocke's specialized telepathic powers, her own telepathy is increased so that she can physically manifest her telepathy as a psionic firebird whose claws can inflict both physical and mental damage. Jean can use this amplified telepathy to increase temporarily the speed of neural signals in brains and mutant's powers to incredible levels. She briefly develops a psychic shadow form like Psylocke's, a gold Phoenix emblem over her eye.
The Phoenix can revive, absorb, rechannel, and preserve any kind of lifeform, since the Phoenix is the sum of all lifeforce. The Phoenix powers boost Jean's psi-powers, allowing her to rearrange matter at a subatomic level, fly unaided through space, and create intense heat blasts by stimulating molecular activity. She manifests a "telekinetic sensitivity" that lets her feel the texture of objects on which she has a telekinetic hold, feel when other objects come into contact with them, and probe them at a molecular level. When she engages her Phoenix powers, Jean is surrounded in a flame-like energy corona that takes the form of a large bird of fire. As the Phoenix, Jean can resurrect herself after death.
Jean learns that she is the "White Phoenix of the Crown" and as such has the power to manipulate limitless amounts and forms of energy at magnitudes limited only by her imagination, to control and repair entire timelines, and to travel to other dimensions and timelines by creating portals between realities. In What If? The X-Men Xavier reveals that Phoenix's mind resonates across the multiverse and may be a nexus of realities, similar to the M'Kraan Crystal.

The beginnings of a scandal...

Karina has never really been serious in all her relationships since high school. When I saw never been serious means she has never really been too emotionally involved till it hurts her bad when she splits with the guys. Except for this once when she was serious with Brian.

Anyway, she is currently going out with someone new whom the rest of us, her girlfriends think is good for various reasons ie a SUPERB career, intelligent, well mannered, speaks well, kind, good hearted, etc. Well, just about 2 weeks back one of us saw her with Brian. Back up a little...Brian and her are not in talking terms ever since their split which caused Karina a lot of pain, mind you. Suspected to have a 3rd party involved somewhere. So imagine the shock on my friend's face when she sees them together....alone....probably to watch a movie or something....all dressed up. (Addl info > the girl rarely dresses up, in fact I've never seen her in make up). This arouses suspiscion of the nature of her relationship with Brian. Of course, at this point in time, she is still going out with Teddy (current beau).

If you had a friend like this and you suspect a scandal, what would you do? The world would probably say confront her, talk to her, etc. But would you still confront a person if you know the person will not listen? Or if you know the person is willing to risk losing a great guy for her ex whom she absolutely loves but is not quite up to par? Hmmmm.......sometimes I think my life is too interesting for my weak heart.

** Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved.

Sophie Eu

Sophie has been my soft toy since I was 4 years old. She has been thru much with me. Or rather she was always around on my bed when I cried my eyeballs out =P

Actually my cousins and I have the same bear, just in different colours. My cousin sis has a pink one named Vicky whilst my cousin twin brothers have beige ones, named Paddington and Pellow.

Anyway, I love Sophie. She's old already but still love her. Sentimental value ma. Pic is with Brin.

In response to Lala Pau's blog on Friendship or Relationship

I was told by Yoyo that Paul had blogged something with regards to the above. Aaaahhhh....the question that creeps up every once in awhile. But the answer always remains the same irregardless of how long we take to figure it out. And others who have taken other paths have always reaped a less than a satisfying end.

Extract from Lala Pau's blog:-

Guy A and Guy B are "heng dai", which means like real brothers.1 day Guy B told Guy A that he just met a girl and he liked her so much. so by common sense Guy B went to "kau" that girl lar....but he kept failing everytime single time he tried... and this girl kept trying to expain to Guy B that both of them will only b friends, not more than that...but somehow this Guy B quite dumb lar....or maybe he got no brains, he just chouldn't understand what the girl is saying....so as the dumb Guy B was still trying to "kau" that girl... and this girl can't stand it anymore.the girl went to look for Guy A cause she knows both of them are reali close friends, like brothers. so she was thinking he could explain it to Guy B for her...but after Guy A explained it to Guy B.... Guy B still thinks that the girl will like him.to cut the long story short, Guy B still haven't give up...but after a period of time, Guy A and the girl found out that actually both of them liked each other... then some incident happen that make them confess to each other lar...so both of them got together sercret, still thinking of a way to explain to Guy B.but before Guy A and the girl had a chance to explain to Guy B, Guy B ownself found out they were going out together secretly... so don't have to say, Guy B felt so betray by his best, close friend that treated him like a brother and he was darn angry lar... who won't get angry in this type of situation...Guy A still took the courage to explain to Guy B...

Ok, let me attempt to answer the questions.

1.) What will you do if you're Guy B and Guy A explain to you?

I think at this juncture, no explanation will be good enough cos it'll sound like Guy A is trying justify his actions. It is unclear whether Guy A think he's wrong. But even if he does, will he give up the girl to make things right? Doubt it. And even if he does, can Guy B trusts Guy A the same way.

2.) What will you do if you're Guy A and realized you like/love the same girl as your "heng dai"?

I have the stand that in the event a guy likes the same girl as his friend and he was "2nd in line" then it is always best to not entertain the feelings. Girls (or guys, whichever applies) come and go. But true friends are difficult to find and maintain.

3.) What will you do if you're the girl and realized you actually like/love Guy A instead of Guy B?

Been in this situation before so will just share from experience. I told both of them I didn't like them. Guy A became my petbro eventually as he decided to step back and let Guy B have a chance and in hope that it will change my mind. I have to admit that I was fond of Guy B but decided that I didn't want to play the game. Do I regret? Hmmm....well, no actually. Yes, I do wonder how it would have been but to go so far as say regret....no lor.

4.) If I were to ask you to choose either relationship or friendship, which one will you choose?

If the friendship is strong, they will conquer this well. And to me, no guy or girl is worth ruining the friendship for. My dad always said that we reap what we sow. Even some of the adults I know whom have been married for some time, their marriages were pretty rocky in the inital years, of course we have our usual getting used to being married stage, but some were said and admitted to be due to the fact deep, deep down inside them, they knew they "grabbed" their partner from someone else. And how one can live with that guilt I don't know.

If it is true love, it'll work out. If you have to wrong someone in order to be with someone, it is wrong. Look, God can still in His grace and mercy bless the marriage. But that doesn't change the fact that it started wrong. No one else may know but you do. And having to deal with that for the rest of one's life is really unnecessary. When two people get together, their relationship is to be a blessing to others, not a curse.

Hope this answers your questions, Lala Pau.

Love from,
Grace kakak.

Aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

The uncertainty continues to hang over the air like a gloomy cloud. Worst still at this point in time, not even sure which assignment manager is overseeing this job. I mean, whom do I report to? Don't get me wrong. I can be de facto manager but that's seriously not going to work out.

Presently it's pouring cats and dogs outside. My neck and shoulders are in severe pain. Been staring at the laptop since lunch. It's been one thing after another and barely had a breather. Tomorrow is CIPS day in One Utama. We're paid to go bowling, eat a Jap buffet and then watch a movie at CineLeisure. Not sure which show though. Hopefully not something I've seen. Initially didn't want to go as erm....I can't bowl. Seriously an amusement to anyone who sees me bowl =P But my friends were bugging me. Someone made a comment the other day of me. Said I am a workaholic. I never go for treasure hunts or stuff organised by the firm. Hmmmm....not sure whether the above incidents would mean I am a workaholic. Could it possibly be that chilling with 700 persons from the firm isn't my ideal holiday? Possible, right?

Any happy thing happened today? Hmmmm...well someone owes me a good meal. Yay!!!! I hope he means it. If not, then I will be left speechless again. But the meal can't be eaten till I am ready to face the offender =P A strong motivating factor to not be too mad. Haaahaaa. Yoyo does that with me as well. Every time he makes me mad and after the prolonged apology period, he makes an offer to take me to Fridays and my anger subsides like abt a milimeter. But be forewarned even after munching down the meal, I can still remember just as well.

I am evil, ain't I?

Mixed feelings

This morning I arrived at office to an inbox full of email. The 2 topics that seemed to stand out from the barrage of email were basically with regards to the 2006 Youth Camp t-shirt designs and the status of the long awaited assignment in Seremban. The amount of email on the t-shirt designs were mind blowing. You would think this need not constitute so much debate. I mean, between being a donkey and a stabilo, there doesn't seem too much difference, does it? Ok...ok...just kidding....both the colours do have their own uniqueness.

Anyway, for the last one week plus, my team and I have been on standby in office awaiting confirmation from PwC Southampton on whether we are required to perform the SOX audit for the client. And if yes, what is our scope of work to be done?

Anyway, confirmation finally arrived. I have to admit prior to the confirmation, my heart and every part of my being wanted to do this. Guess for obvious reasons. This would be a great learning opportunity and it does add market value to one's experience. Have to admit though.....I am not looking forward to the late nights/ early mornings and the prospect of being away from my bed =P

When I saw the confirmation this morning, I quickly searched to see whether our deadline has been extended. Alas, there was no news of this whatsoever. I take it irregardless of us starting almost 2 weeks later, our deadline remains the same. What was to be a terribly tight deadline assignment has only got worst.

On most occasions, I love outstation assignment jobs. However the one thing constant about being away is I miss my youths alot. I find that odd really. It's not like we have deep conversations while I see them every week. But just miss their presence, their laughter, them basically. Miss my soft toys too actually. Miss them being around the bed. Too many to bring to Seremban actually. Might just bring Sophie. She hasn't been on travels for awhile dy.

At this minute which is 8:55 am, I am still uncertain as to when I leave for Seremban. Hopefully by the end of the day, I would know. If the manager says we need to be there tomorrow, I would have a lot of stockings to wash tonight.

I have this feeling that God is testing my patience and testing my faith. He knows how I hate to live in uncertainty. Oh well.....going to enjoy the journey even if shit happens. To hell with the devil who wants me to be bitter about stuff.

Intrigued with creative people

Today has been a rather interesting day. Met with an accident on Sunday. Someone hit my car from behind. Anyway, the guy was a real gentleman. At least from first impression. He gave me some cash to pay for the damages first.

Well the car was fixed by yesterday evening and still had RM 50 left. Decided to give the guy back the cash though it's not close to a million bucks. Figured his car was pretty damaged and any bit of money would help.

Messaged the dude and enquired how he would want me to pass the cash to him. We decided that the transfer through internet would be most convenient.

Found out he's a photographer. How interesting! I don't have a friend who is a photographer or anything close to creative. I must admit that my view of people who are more inclined toward the artsy fartsy stuff is not all that great. Guess the thing that comes to mind is that they're probably so unpredictable and moody. However the events of the last few weeks have made me more open to branding people as it were.

I mean....I always thought the professsionals ie doctors, engineers, accountants, etc were the stable people. Very predictable. Very loyal. Very rationale. I was and am clearly been proven wrong.

Well it was a lesson well learnt. Sometimes in life, chances should be given to those who treasure the opportunity. To those who would fight for your well being. To those who would stand by you. To those who are not easily swayed by others.

At this juncture, I am glad that from the accident....I made a new acquaintance. A pleasant surprise indeed. Guess Sunday wasn't that bad after all. Made a new friend. And was jolted from lala land to realise another friend doesn't really treasure me.

I am amused.

Sickness personified

During my hot date with superman earlier, I was trying very hard not to talk about sick people. Sick people make me sick. Profound but true. Other than the fact that I had sickness personified to me, I am also feeling unwell. Gastric pains, back pains. Just pain all over. Sick person even had the nerve to ask me whether I am feeling pain because I am stressed up with stuff. My goodness....for crying out loud...if there is a slight possibility that may be true, better he behave better than ask stupid questions.

Anyway, I have decided that these gastric pains are getting more and more serious and if I am not careful, I will revisit history and end up doing a dreadfully painful scope in the hospital, screaming my lungs out of anguish.

Figured whatever the cause of the pain is, I will not be a worst state than I already am. Tomorrow should mark a day without sickness....at least not to be overwhelmed emotionally.

Guess it reminds me of dishonesty. Reminds me of how you can treat a person with sincerity and the person bites you back. I am truly disappointed. Beyong words.

Friendship

The other day I wrote a poem on my friendster blog. It goes as follows:-

Friendship is a journey,
Through the sea of humanity,
A sense deep within the heart,
That is so difficult to part.

That's why so many people,
Despite all its hurt and trouble,
Still give friendship a try,
Because inside they're so dry.

Friendship is like a treasure,
So valuable and without measure,
Though it makes us vulnerable,
Pricking sadness that's unbearable.

Friendship - gift from heaven above,
That pours out hope, faith and love,
It makes life a lot easier to bear,
With the thought of someone there.

Friendship is the act of risk taken,
Cos' many hearts are often seen broken,
Like they say, when there's no pain,
There is absolutely nothing to gain.

Strange enough I was tested with my feelings and stand toward friendship. I have not figured it all out but I suppose in more ways than one, I am still as disgusted as ever with someone who hides the truth from me or to be more blunt, someone who lies. It makes me wonder what is the truth and the lie. Brings back alot of unwanted memories as well.

Decided not to think about it. I cannot control another person's behaviour or attitude toward me. But I can respond positively to this. I have allowed it to affect me quite a bit ie sleepless nights. Like I tell Abel. Shit happens. Well, guess there is nothing I can do about it. Shall let time reveal all. Meantime I ain't waiting for more shit to befall me. Shall move on and do what needs to be done. Talk is cheap. Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.